So Much I...

A Change

2008-02-10T02:36:00.000+08:00

Hello.
I moved.

Just like how I'm moving house this year.
This blogger name,the one 10cm North from this post,makes me want to slap myself. Very very violently.
Like how a mom slaps her teenage daughter for wearing black lacy bra.

http://www.ordeanna.blogspot.com/

If you do pop by here,pop by there instead.

It's The New Year.....Again.

2008-02-06T22:35:00.001+08:00

I couldn't comprehend the sense of delight when I held my pink IC with both hands and kissed it for multiple times. I love it to death. The sense of happiness,I don't know how to describe it in English.
Okay,one word: Yay.
I've woken up from the nightmare.
I know I'm now in reality,the cruel world,the fast-paced,multi-faceted society,but at least now I'm doing things for myself. The air smelt fresher,the sun came up glowing at me welcoming me back to the colourful universe.

Chinese New Year is here again.
I remember as a kid I always love it so much. My favourite holiday.
The reunion dinner is always such a tight-knit affair with lots of laughs and food and pleasantries.
I will not want to sleep on the Eve to shou ye and watch tv and munch on snacks and pass out full.
And I will drag my tired body to wake up early to say Happy New Year to everybody.
Of course,the money at the time relative to my own adolescent age was a lot and I was always consumed by greed wanting my Mom to give me more percentage of the pie to spend than to save. What was I thinking?
The sun always shines brighter on CNY. I don't know why. It's a special day.
And the casual gambling here and there and gawking at the supposed huge amounts of money placed on the bet was fun to me.

Almost all grown up now and I feel it's becoming saturated to me. Where's the lustre?
I kinda can't capture its magic at all.
The passing of my grandmother years ago didn't help matters.
It seems like the essence is gone. The root of it all. The foundation.
I can sense it in everyone. It's an open secret.
It's just like another holiday now.

The red packets,the songs,the snacks,the random chatter,
It's all becoming so material to me.
Some moments,it felt like a pain in the ass.

I still enjoyed the occasion,but not as much.
I feel bored and heavy. And painful,with the swollen jaw.
Especially at this transitory stage of my life,it felt like it came too early.

I hope I can feel the childish lustre of it again.
This is where the kid in me comes into play.
I feel like he's hiding. Hiding from me.

45 mins more to CNY.
Happy Chinese New Year!

Well,at least now I'm celebrating it free and happy,that's a consolation.

First Ever

2008-02-03T20:27:00.000+08:00

Like what Neil Armstrong first commented when he took his first step on the moon.
"That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind."

This is pretty similar.
After days of swallowing food and eating liquid stuffs like yoghurt,porridge and ice cream,
I plucked out my utmost courage.
I breathed in deep,
Opened the cupboard,
Took out a packet of Twisties' Chickadee.

With that intense look similar to,say,George Clooney [haha],I opened it.
First capsule of Chickadee.
That moment was so significant.

As I slipped the Chickadee capsule into my mouth slowly and delicately,
I felt my saliva caress it like a little baby.

Then I sent it to the gallows. Which is under repair.
I munch with slow precision.
It worked.

I finished the whole packet.

"That's one small bite of food, one giant leap for weight."

Can't Talk,Can't Run,Can't Eat,Can't Laugh

2008-01-31T17:34:00.000+08:00

This morning,I went to remove my wisdom tooth. 2 of them. A bloody surgical procedure.
[Note: bloody]
I went this morning with nothing to expect.
I like to do a lot of questioning to people who have done that thing before I do it.
So I know what to expect.

The word "Courage" kept lingering in my mind as I walked into the clinic and waited. Seriously. Not faking. It kept lingering non-stop.
I hated going to the dentist since I was a child.

The word "Courage" was thrown out of the window the moment I stepped into the surgical room.
I was literally so fucking scared. I forgot that word immediately.
I'm a fucking pussy at that point of time.
My heart was beating in speed pulses.
"Courage" out. "Pain" in.

The dentist injected local anaesthetic into my gum. Straight through to the bone.
I guess that was the most painful part of the procedure. It felt strange.
In the movies,when a person experienced pain,they will grip tight on cloth and stuff.
I actually did that!
Faggot.

The surgery was like,I-know-what-you're-doing-but-I-can't-feel-it.
I know he cut open my gum with a scalpel. Felt cold with the blade.
Then he use a drill to drill the teeth into pieces. It was fucking violent.
I was like a prisoner in a detention camp. He kept press press press very violently.
I know there's a lot of blood. Cause they keep using the suction stuff.
Then he tell me "I'm gonna break your teeth into two now,ok?"
I responded with a lion's heart:"Ok." when I actually felt a drop of pee in my pants.

That part was the only time I felt a little something.
The drilling was so deep.
I could feel strain in my jaw.
Damn. That would have hurt like crazy.

Then came the never-ending flow of cotton gauze. Go in white,come out red. 3 or 4 times.
My life seems to be over then.

After a few admin stuffs,I was free to go.
With two thick cotton gauze at the back of my mouth,I hailed a cab.
Not able to talk,I murmured a very similar word to "kembangan".
He understood. Genius dude.

Gross part.
I was tilting my head up all the way due to the overflowing saliva I accmulated from not being able to close my mouth.
Time to pay money.
The driver seemed to be afraid to look at me.
Then I knew why.
A long line of saliva,red in colour,had hanged all the way from my mouth into my mini bag.
It was so sticky I can't get rid of it using tissue.
I passed the 20 bucks to the driver with my saliva-laden hands.
He scared to touch. He take already put at the passenger seat in front. Haha.
Moment of sheer embarassment.

Now I'm so swollen at the mouth.
The pain is okay to me. Quite irritating. But mild.
I don't dare to even move mouth.
Had a conversation with Damien on MSN that made me want to laugh.
And I can't!
My mouth was in the same shape then squeaks keep coming out of my mouth.

Now I can't eat,can't talk,can't laugh,
Can't run.
Shit.
I want to run! My chain is broken.

So sore.

Bloated

2008-01-28T22:39:00.000+08:00

I always have this tendency to eat a lot after running.
It's not hunger.
It's a fear I would have no energy tomorrow.

Flu overcame me,but I was too bored.

I ran along Katong today in a super short jogging shorts and a super long T-shirt.
I think I look like Tata Young.
Nobody looked at me.
She's not popular.

The sights and sounds always had a calming effect on me.
Always overestimated myself.
It's the scenery that made me slow down and revel in its beauty.

I was infuriated over something lately.
I don't like working for people who don't deserve it.
I don't mind slogging my ass out for people whom I respect.
It's so important to be a credible leader.
A person who motivates and sets a good example,
A person who rewards dutifully to the people working under him,
A person who raises the morale of the people by putting in as much effort,
A person who is cultured and doesn't get angry over the most minor things.
A person who is honest and has integrity and pride.
My observations led to this. Cause that lazy bastard is totally not these.

Being a leader is very easy.
It's so easy to a point anybody can be one.
A leader among leaders is the difficult part.
The only great leader I knew in my life is my secondary school canoeing coach.
You know he's a great leader because when you look back,you remember the compassion and the spirit and motivation that burst through his veins to the people who wants to work hard for him.
He need not be a charismatic person,but the values and principles must be rock solid to a point you abandon your own to adopt his temporarily to make things work.

Now,it's not the case.
I won't work for a lazy bastard.
I will be MORE lazy.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm working for myself. I'm selfish.
Cause lazy bastards don't deserve it.
They deserve to be random. They deserve to be barbaric.
Playing computer games while we die in the sun,clap clap,the best leader.
Getting angry when we felt we've done enough and don't wanna do no more,clap clap,great leader.

I sometimes became a person I'm not and judge people.
I really hate it.
But it's so fucking difficult to not judge.
Some people are so fucking lowly and treat people as slaves and whores they can utilise.
I'm not a whore thank you. Don't fuck me.

And they can lie through their teeth.
An example.
Suppose a game whereby every participant have to eat two pieces of cakes.
Me and my five friends are in the game too. So is Lazy Bastard.
But eating two cakes is too much for some people.
I ate two cakes though and I caught Lazy Bastard eating one cake.
My five friends ate one cake,they can't eat anymore.
But it's violating the rules if you eat one cake.
Lazy Bastard scolded my 5 friends for eating one cake,
When he fucking ate one cake and I caught him.
He's fucking lying through his teeth.
How can things work like that.
He can still be smug and threaten my 5 friends over eating one cake.
The cheek to do that makes me disgusted.

I can't believe this world.
It makes me feel sad.
So I should run more and eat more.

Along The Route I Ran

2008-01-19T20:01:00.000+08:00

I promise to run on Friday nights.

But thing is,I didn't run due to the demons inside of me pinning me down on my bed and shining crimson light upon my eyes to make me shut them and sleep.

I felt bad the moment I woke up,I promised myself I will run today.
Consumed by agony,I decided to run the route which made me fear it so much that I never ran it for 3 years.

The route is plain simple.
Starting from my house,I ran straight through Frankel Ave to Siglap.
Bypassing Starbucks and Chai Chee Sec,I would reach the best secondary school in Singapore without nerds and smelly armpits,Temasek Secondary School.
Then I would run straight to the junction at Tanah Merah MRT station.
Turn left and run to Bedok MRT and back to Kembangan MRT then back home.

3 years ago,the amount of exhaustion and dehydration and lactic acid build up is so much that I vividly remember the experience till now.

My body was leaning so forward and I was sweating buckets.
My legs were hardly lifted and every step is a chore.
I felt my shoulders muscles numbing themselves and it humbled me.

But I was confident today.
I felt my upper body was much lighter than it was 3 years ago,due to 2 years of hardly hitting the gym and running more regularly and only doing static body resistance exercises.

The start was pretty discouraging.
The trail was so uneven,cars were whizzing past me and fat schoolgirls were thinking I would molest them.
It affected my rythm and I feel like brushing the girls away. But their indomitable size kept a lid on my intention.

Siglap came and everything became consistent.
My pace was fine and I can run at the same pace.
That was the place where I overestimated last time. I thought TMS was near,so I quickened myself and ended up a bloody cunt.
This time,I didn't care about the distance. I cared about the comfort. I needed comfort to last.
I was very comforted yea.

Running past all the privated estates along the routes,I used a single mindset to motivate myself.
A rather mythical one.
I imagined that rich beautiful girls are looking at me through their bedroom window and upon
seeing me,they would change into their running gear and run with me.
So I would run with standard form and disciplined breathing patterns.
Then I would end up a gigolo.
But it never happened.

TMS came and I was hit by nostalgia.
It's been years since I left.
This school changed me a lot.
Seeing the kids at the bus stop opposite the school reminded me of the times when I would wait for 10 or 14 or 229 in the scorching sun and I would sweat like a pig under the white uniform and
I would squeeze with fellow imbeciles for a place in air-con buses.
229 always no air-con. Bitch.
Ahh. Time waits for no man.

Afterwards,it was very gradual. I didn't want to waste so much energy.
I keep riding on the form and used the "two-steps-breathe-in-two-steps-breathe-out" method.
It's useful. I remembered it was a temporary PE teacher who taught me that.

Reaching Tanah Merah MRT was where the nothingness came.
This nothingness feeling comes when your mind is empty and you can't feel your body anymore.
Your legs on auto-pilot,free against the wind.
It feels fantastic.

After Bedok came a 250m steep upward slope.
It was difficult,I hate running slopes.

By the time I reach Kembangan,I felt no lethargy.

It was crazy. I think I'm crazy. But I finished it and I felt immense satisfaction.

It's like a thug punching you in the face repeatedly and you get up again and again and his knuckles break eventually.

THEN

I went to buy Chickadee and Chipster Potato Chips,which I will consume with pride later.

Dinner I ate Pork Chop w/egg,Satay,Rojak,Fishball,Soya Bean Grass Jelly.

I suck,but life rocks,so does running!

100% Efficiency

2008-01-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

It's just like a marathon,when the end is near,it gets more daunting.

I haven't made any resolutions yet/at all. I'm afraid I might break them.
Then they would not be worth a dime in the first place.

Running is a drug.
You will be reluctant to start,but once you get hooked,you just want to run faster and faster.
It's always the same case of motivation.
Girl in JC shirt with hot legs. Overtake.
Uncle with hairy belly. Overtake.
StanChart Marathon singlet-wearing FakeFatFucks. Overtake.

I'm not considered a runner. My form is bad,I'm inconsistent,I don't diet and I don't dedicate my life to it.
I even don't run for months on end.
But I always fall in love with it again and again.

I always try to make a commitment to run consistently.
But I always break it. That's what disappoints me.

So,yes,I ran today,against the wind,it forced my eyes shut.
But without a care in the world,I tried to break its hold on me.
The feeling is so marvellous.

When you finish running,you always feel you're like Kate Moss with those puny boobs.
So you can fucking eat any cow or dinosaur.
But I didn't eat those.
I ended up eating Pork Mee Swa,Kway Chap,Ngoh Hiang,Satay and Honeydew Sago.
Stack them up,it may be as tall as a dinosaur.

Now I ask,why the fuck did I run.
I should have not ate,not ran and slept at home in the first place.
I'm 100% efficient.
I purged out calories,I pumped in the same amount.
But I didn't regret it.
That's why I'm not a runner.
I feel no guilt towards gastronomic pleasures.

Haha,talking about it,I feel so damn happy when I makan those stuffs.
It's like a reward for your hard work trying to chase after that hot legs girl.

Oh yea,life's good.
My morale is up again.
February February give me comfort.

The Day I Cried

2007-12-13T17:33:00.000+08:00

2 days ago,I cried.
Not those loud wailing ones.
A silent one. Those true and sincere ones,deep within my senses.

A girl made me cry that day.
She wasn't the most beautiful girl.
She said it was for my good.
But it was too hard on me.

As I look at her tenderly and helplessly,
I didn't expect myself to shed tears because of her.
Her touch of grace were meant to heal me,console me,complete me.

She had a heart of stone,
A touch of love,
Words of evil manifest,
Eyes of pure focus.

As I lay there helpless,she made me cry.
The light shines everclear,
The blur takes me to a galactic space.

Feeling the pain over and over,
bloody crimson I see,
human stain lifted from the surface,
silent anguish,sadistic glee.

Oh,tell me,how can I ever face her again,
but I must,
for I'm incomplete,
she can make me whole.

I want to see her again,
yet I'm bounded by horror,
She will hurt me over and over again.
She's a heartless creep,
She never would care how I feel,
for when the pain was too much to bear,
she just stood there watching patiently.

2 days ago,
I went for a facial treatment.
The beautician was a gentle one on the first treatment.
The second one was hideous!

She literally scrapped my face with the tool for removing blackheads,
when the tool was supposed to be used to press on blackheads.

I have to bear with the pain so much that I squirm inside me like crazy.
And she is so audacious to also squeeze out those big red acne which are not ripe yet.
It was bloody fucking painful.

When she remove my eye patch,
Tears actually rolled down the side of both my eyes.

What's more,
her fucking irritating gap keeps yak,yak,yakking about the facial products and such.
Fuck it,I won't buy,good riddance.

When she squeezed the blackheads out of my nose,
I started sneezing,non-stop.
Yet I have to denounce the sneezes into little angelic squeaks,
as I don't want my mucus to fly like angels did.

It was damn painful.
really boh pang chang.
But the plus is that your face feels damn clean,yet swollen,when the session is over.

The audacity of me to subject myself to pay people to inflict unconditonal pain upon myself.

59

2007-12-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

59 and counting.

This past year,my mind has always been on that date.
To the point whereby I forgot what to take with me in this journey.

The most cliche sentence of learning goes something like,
Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.

I'm absolutely sure there wasn't joy in the journey,
but I remembered I was happy when awful things ended one by one,
it's like the end of a suffering has equalled pleasure,which baffles me.
Even simple pleasures like lying on my bed makes me squirm in delight.

I know I will feel really overjoyed when I receive my pink ticket,
but amidst the celebration,
I will reminisce about the time down from my very first day on that island,
me wearing the brown polo,the washed-out jeans and the Asics shoes,
bad dress sense I know,that was the last thing on my mind then.

Feeling really out of place and adolescent,I feel myself crawling out of my shell into the real world.
People always tell me,"just get through with it."
That will be most useless advice out there along with "you're gonna be ok."
It was the worst feeling in the world.
I felt so helpless and useless.

There are times when it's so insignificant and routine you really forget all about it,
it's like time freezes over and releases you at another moment.

Maybe this is what it's all about.
Answering you at every checkpoint about things you want answered.

I watched Wok Of Life just now,my favourite Ch 8 drama ever.
The deep sense of nolstalgia really overwhelmed me.
I remembered I was still a carefree kid then.
Go to school,dwindle in class,play soccer till 6pm,
buy ice sticks,then go home and shower eat dinner and there it was,the show.
The fun times.

It was such a happy-go-lucky life then.
Decisions you make won't matter as much.
Mistakes you make won't get judged as much as well.
You won't be held for responsibility to anything and people don't blame you for it.
Cause you're still a kid.

Adult life is such a dark and scary place.
Friendships get distant,people get more awkward,
Everyone's best friend is Yushof Ishak on paperback
and being fat has become an immortal sin.

Sigh,when will I grow up.
I need ice cream.

Minutes To Nine And I'm Smelling Toxic

2007-11-17T02:10:00.000+08:00

I had the absolute privilege of attending Linkin Park's concert this time around.
I missed it 3 years ago. Lack of funds,lack of interest.
Happy that there will always be people like Tricia and Bey Yan and her bigboy Desmond to go with.
To feel the total atmosphere and emotions of live rock concerts,I was adamant,damn adamant that I would buy the absolute Business Class of concerts,the freestanding,150bucks worth of moshing and shoving.

The queueing was tough,I was playing cards with sweat all over me at 3pm.

Toxicity overcame me when I was in the mosh,there were unique people with unique odour transmitting unique universal nonsense.
I was pretty annoyed.
If it wasn't "unique" enough,this goth Pumpkin lady infront of me was reeking of sweat and lime(due to queueing I guess) and I silently prayed for 150bucks of Shokubutsu,Dettol,Johnson and Johnson's,Palmolive,Dove and Antibiotics instead.
It was not till 9pm that the concert kicked off.

Pretty cool opening. Typical. But cool.
Stage covered by a semi-transparent silver cloth.
Lights hit the stage.
Shadows of the guys emerge.
Brad Delson started the riff and the cloth came down and bang,the jamming starts.

...And so does my fornication with Miss Pumpkin.
The bloody fucking crowd pushed us all the way to the front.
And I gelled with Miss Pumpkin into one full circle of luminous odour.
I could feel tears welling up. Vomit,rather than emotions,overcame me. Literally.

Not to be demoralised as it was supposed to be a happy event,the crowd cheered to the thumping basslines of Wake and me and Tricia were out of our elements.
The pushing and shoving sometimes were too hard to take,people were fainting and Tricia was really like a beef patty,squeezed between a chinaman and a I don't know who. So was I.
If it was a girl with bigger boobs,that girl would have fainted too. Thankfully,No.
Yea,you get the gist.

The chinamen(2 of them) were singing so bloody forfucksake damn loudly in a chinese slang that it totally overtook Chester's voice and Chester now sounds like Guo Liang.
Imagine,and yes,life sucks.

Not to be outdone,the chinamen waved their hands up high,and just like spontaneous waves of nuclear radiation,the smell was horrendous from the depths of their dark and infinite pits.
Not to be outdone somemore,the Caves of Pure Evil a.k.a Mouth under their noses were emitting deep forces of Pure Evil,possessing anybody within distance into a nauseous trance and epileptic fits.
Help. Me. And Tricia.

Ah,what the hell,so me and Tricia maneuvere to the right. Yea. That's better. Fresh Air,got space,we're ready to roll.
I have to say I was enchanted,me & Tricia were jumping like lunatics,although occasionally stopping to look at people who fainted.

The singles were almost all belted out. The songs were arranged in the order of newest album to the oldest.
Of course,my favourite LP track of all time,Crawling,sent me into multi-layered raptures.
Then of course there was the ever-popular hits like Numb,One Step Closer and In The End.
Of course,newer hits like In Pieces & Bleed It Out were sung with great efficiency and renewed my interest in Minutes To Midnight again.

Mike was superb,with his multi-instruments and Chester,of course,with his screaming and pitches,makes him a hotshot among nu-metal vocalists.
The rest were good too,Brad's hair was fluffy and Mr Hahn is fat. I'm serious,like,what happen to him man.

Anyways,to top it off,it was worth every single penny and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

And thank you Tricia for being such a wonderful company and good sport.
It's cool that you knew the lyrics to the songs too.
It was damn fun with you around.
So gorgeous of you that night. For that night only. To repay the sentiments.

Ahh,concerts are really a thrill to behold.
Now,when I listen to Linkin Park,it brings back the euphoria of the concert that night.
That's what the wonderful world of music can bring to you that other things can't.

In The Queue

2007-11-11T20:16:00.000+08:00

I'm now in an never-ending queue.
What do you do when you queue for something precious.
You gush,you get frustrated,you dream.
You get bored,disillusioned,delirious.

I'm in a queue for my exclusive very PINK,very delicious yum-yum lemonade.
My thirst for it is unparalleled.

The longer I queue,the more thirsty I am.
I feel like I'm dehydrating.
I'm hungry,but I'm more thirsty.
I get jealous when people get their lemonades first,because they get to savour the taste,they get to quench their thirst.
They get to show it off.
When they try not to,it feels even worse.

I'm still standing ground but time doesn't cure my impatience.
It doesn't soothe me.
It eats away my energy,my curiousity.
My sole purpose is to continue queueing.
I'm wasting my time,cause I can do useful things while queueing,but I chose not to.
My desire for it is too strong to shift my focus away.
It has started to become a little bit of tear-my-hair-out lunacy.

I don't know how people can wait for liberation and freedom.
It's a process of pure mind mayhem.
Limbs chained,2x2m cell.
Eats away enthusiasm for life's pleasures.

I'm staring straight ahead.
I don't care about the surroundings.
I want to cradle my lemonade in my arms.

Britney

2007-11-03T13:05:00.000+08:00

I had a listen to Britney's Blackout just now.
I have to say she's still good!
In fact,you can just know she used to be on top. And she will be if she wants to.
The materials she pushes now is still just as good. Other than the very confusing Gimme More video.

Other than her as usual uber teh voice,the beats and mixes are good on Blackout.
I think she picks her production team well,collaborates with the right people.

Always being called fat(I know how it feels) doesn't undermine her experience in her genre.
Even though she has hideous dress sense sometimes and she can't dance for shit now. At the moment.
She's the female equivalent of JT when she's on her roll.
She used to dance like a demon.

I'm waiting to see her go back to her old form.
So she can break Rihanna's umbrella into two and feed it to the dogs.

Symptoms Of A Recluse

2007-10-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

I got to say,months of minimal challenges has gotten me into quite a pit stop.
A life without goals or challenge or target is worthless yet amazing.
It's definitely not ok to idle yet wonderful to idle.

I've somehow began to show rather reclusive behaviour.
I loved staying home and watch my American Dramas.
I totally found going out a chore.
A time whereby money is wasted,eating good food will make me fat and walking for long stretches makes me sweaty/sticky,I don't like.

I used to not like staying home.
Now I love it to death.
It's a safe haven.
It's a sanctuary of peace.
It's a place whereby I can try to do an unsuccessful split,shout Argh! and not get mocked at.

I like short hair.
It's easy to manage.
So I won't need to mess with it,do little unnatural beesting spikes or rainbows or beautiful bougainvilleas.
No wax no gel no sticky substance.
What's wrong with me.

I hardly have the impulse,energy or intention to accomodate any conversation,any socialising,any interaction when I'm outside the hedious green walls.
It's tedious.
Silence is Hello Panda and Heidi Klum all rolled into a null-decibel symphony.

I feel this phase of my life is just like Hajime in South Of The Border,West Of The Sun.
He works an easy job yet when he looked back,that was the most meaningless and mundane period of his entire life. It felt like it never existed.
I could feel it disappearing and fading in colour,dying,but I refused to touch it to give it sympathy.

If I could draw myself,I would draw two balls,one big one small on top of each other.
Four limbs on the right,left,south-east and south-west on the big ball.
I would draw a big dark "?" in the centre of the small ball.
Then I would a perfect circle of arrows sprouting outwards encircling the balls.

It's only months. It's only months away. I need only 3 fingers to tally.
But less becomes more. Time stretches itself thin.
I'm wasting every single bit of my time,even as I write this.
But I'm just colourlessly happy dwelling between being useful and useless.

Drama addict comment next.
Prison Break is such a wonderful show.
I loved how Michael is such a genius,with his knack of using his surroundings to full use.
You wish to be people like that.
Where people would want to be you.
I remembered I used to want to be Ultraman.
Screw you Ultraman,Michael Scofield burst your yellow pus-filled eyes.
It's a great show,the attention to detail is great,the facts are there.
But as with all Fox shows,they tend to tire on specific not so important stuffs,like killing people off. Marissa. =(
Season 3 is superb,I love it.
I'm such a fan of American dramas, Grey's is great too.

This shows I'm almost a full-blown recluse.

Low on confidence,confused,emotional,lazy,paranoid,anti-social,homeboy and a big TVaddict.

Me,proud recluse. Don't talk to me.

Corner* With Love

2007-10-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

Yes,the title has revealed me as another drama-serial obsessed freak.
A very outdated one at that.

Corner* With Love is a Taiwanese drama serial featuring Barbie Hsu,who I totally admire to death,and Xiao Zhu.
It's a Full House kinda show. You know,with all the arguments and yadda yadda.
But of course Full House is of course always the best.
This ranks second.

I have to admit I detested the show at the start. So lame the sound effects and the things that were done. Very over and unreal.

But the essence of the show kicks in at the end.
It's so sad. Tears swell up my nose at a lot of instances where Xin Lei(Barbie Hsu) cries so hard it's so sad oh no oh no oh no.
She cried like more than 50 times.

And I grin at all the intimate scenes. So spontaneous and earnest. Not the ones with Xin Lei and the rich bastard though.

It's essentially a tale of a coincidence,a mismatch and the balance between materialism and love.
It's very cliche. A story like that.
Rich girl gone poor. Poor boy shows her his side of the world.
She gets used to it. Loves the life. But past life comes chasing back and she is fickle about her choices when moneymoneyitssofunny comes into play.
Yes,the beggarish boy and the princess girl.
Of course the total girl of my dreams and the best actress in Taiwan and other chinese countries,Barbie Hsu acted out every scene fully immersed and totally saddens me to the point whereby I curse the sluts and jerks in front of the TV set with my fellow campmates like little horny bitches prancing up and down the room.
The chemistry was pretty good. I guess it elevates the show with a typical story plot.

The scenes whereby the kiss came suddenly out of nowhere and the elegant smile of Xinlei when being totally in Qinglang's arms.
But the story gets draggy in the end.

But it's a good show. Very sweet. Memorable.
True Love prevails kinda show. I also realised I loved the aftermath of the ending. It's very sweet and simple.
This show's aftermath is very nice.
Lots of tears.
I came upon this show when my friend(a guy) said he cried when watching this show.
I wanted to know its impact.
Indeed,good enough as a tearjerker. Though I didn't cry. Almost. Almost.
I like this kinda show. And I totally heart Barbie Hsu aka Da-S.
She's the epitome of elegance and gentleness.

Oh my,I'm talking in such an obsessed way already. Shall end now.
It's a very good show.

Random Musings

2007-09-29T01:18:00.000+08:00

I haven't felt that busy since.....now.
It's been wave by wave of onslaught of redundant shit bazookaed at me relentlessly,aimed at my face,with great accuracy. Now I binchaochao.
But I'm glad that I dealt with it fine.
I also played with fire. Tested the "Can do but don't get caught" mantra.
Got burnt. Weekends.

A recent situation that happened made me realise something.
A friend,who used to be in our bunk,got posted out to an 8 to 5 job.

Jealousy and envy engulfs us in repeated packets of grunts and tantrums.

But at the end of the day,I found that the ones remaining forged a stronger bond,began to enjoy the shit we went through together and felt that things are not so bad anymore.
The friend,who got posted out,has hardly any friends due to his easy job and we can't even talk to him much on similar issues now.

Friendships are important to us.
In times of adversity are when friendships are developed into a stronger bond.
Hi-Byes are not friendships. They are worthless.

It's those people you can laugh with,have fun with,talk openly with and lend a listening ear to that are the genuine friendships.
It doesn't matter where we are,what we are in.
Nothing can faze anyone when there's a team.

I tend to go with the flow.
I tried getting posted out too. I'm so glad I stayed.
Ahh,the miracle of Choice. A different experience altogether.

I do cherish friendships somehow or rather.
But I'm often lazy to catch up.
I guess I'm forever that way.

Deep inside,I'm somehow saddeded by the fact that as we grow older,friendships tend to get loose and far.
We all try to seek more exciting adventures,greener pastures,higher ground. Even me.
It's a seeyainafewmonths kinda thing now.
And there will always be some animosity and awkwardness which is really detestable.

Whatever happen to the good ol' times where everyday is playday?

Where everything can be telepathic and honest and easy?

Responsibility and the desire to make a living has shifted our focus away from the love shared by many different individuals which binds each other together.
And the conversations won't ever be as deep and concerning anymore.
It will be just to accomodate,compromise and to continue,to avoid the seemingly awkward silence.

You just feel lonely even in the company of your friends sometimes.

I recently caught up with my best friend from secondary school.
He went to OCS.
I felt really glad for him. More glad that we could talk that much even through SMS like good ol' times.

But it feels like I've somehow lost a part of my life that I couldn't get back.
A regret that I couldn't remember much of any beautiful memories due to selfish pursuits and pleasure.
Sometimes I question who I was really.
Did I lose more than I gain along the way?

I don't want to feel like a watchmen in a dimly lit watchtower.
So cold,wrapped in a thin tarp,with only the moon as my company. I talk to its majestic frame like an imaginary friend.
I eat my hard and dry bread and cry at the patheticness of it all.
No way.

Speaking of more positive things,it's high time for a new running shoe.
Hehhehhhhh.
I think it will be Supernova Control 10. Read some pretty nice reviews on it.
Got discount voucher.
I'm just another typical seize your chance and save more Singaporean.

But I really still do dig Asics.
It has quality written all over it.
But it has been with me through countless 5-10k runs and finally,that 21km half-marathon.
I guess I should retire it sometime soon.

It has become my friend. Our favourite activity is me putting my foot in its mouth then stepping on it 1000times.
I shall feed it some food and wait for it to shit.

Goodnight.

Idiots Don't Lie

2007-08-17T14:40:00.000+08:00

There are times when you suddenly abracadabralualua and you feel you are the best there is.
You felt like you could fight lions with smelly mouths,grow jellybeans as pimples and make spiders eat their own legs.

But.

There are times when you suddenly quaquaqua and felt like simply,an idiot.
Lions start to eat antelopes,pimples are filled with custard again and spiders eat mosquitoes.
There are seemingly things on this earth that is labelled "Idiot-proof" and when you fail to do it,yes you are an idiot. A fool-proof idiot.
No qualms about it at all.

Yes,I'm an idiot,oh my.
In an amusing way.
That it confuses me.

I sigh-smiled(yes,it can be done.),spied around and sped off like Roadrunner on skates.

I learnt,you can never take things for granted. At all.
Even the simplest things.
It's this trait that leads to destruction
Or success. To become an idiot.

My IQ is now very low. 0.037.

I will now learn to walk again.

Love Actually/Boring Thoughts

2007-07-28T22:31:00.001+08:00

Life now is watching romance. Any romance.

Love Actually is great. A feel-good movie. I'm so delayed.
I have to say predictable but good.
The best story,for me,has got to be the language barrier one.

This writer,an English writer,went to the French countryside to write his new book.
His part-time maid,the lady who does all the little chores he can't do,is unfortunately,Portuguese.
The sweet as hell part is when they communicate and there is actually english subtitles to understand what the lady was talking about.

They don't understand what the fuck each other is talking about.
But they just am so telepathic and the communication seems to combine really well.
It's like they are made for each other,except the language part.

The hold-your-breath! part is this scene whereby they are yadda-yadda-ing then it's time for the lady to go home,since she's just working part-time ya know.
Then the guy,of course knowing since the lady doesn't know what the hell he is talking about all the time,somehow confesses by saying something like,

"The happiest part of my day,is driving you home." then he gives that stupid smirk.

To which the lady replied,also knowing she probably looks as if she's munching on muffins in the guy's line of sight when she's speaking,says something like,

"The saddest part of my day,is leaving you."

I love that scene. It was just so clever,the script,with dialogue like that.
Great movie,nonetheless.

Sometimes I do wonder,when you come into a disagreement,is it really your fault or does it appear to be.
I've hardly ran into loggerheads,but sometimes an awkward moment may just arise.
And if you don't show emotions that you should typically show in a typical situation like that,the basic assumption may just be that you are guilty.

A lack of emotions may just surface to become a lack of character,in which leads to another round-a-bout of a lack of mental toughness,in which all the blame can be pushed to you.

It's always good to ponder how to react when faced with a situation whereby confidence-wise,you know you're right but you are dealing with a stubborn prick who won't back down.
Yet,when you give up trying to spread your ideas,people might feel maybe you are having doubts about your own opinions and the consensus is that eventually,you're wrong. But it's not.

I've met skunks like that. Very difficult to get them to understand. Explanation is really an art.
It takes evidence,tone,conviction and depth. Like trying to use one finger to cut a watermelon.
You wonder why they don't understand something so simple.
Like the argument was so retarded.
But they really don't.
They keep coming at you.

Sometimes I make people angry.
But I sincerely felt there were angrier things for them to be angry about.
The silliest are those who try to do things to,particularly,me when they know the consequence in the first place,hoping I would conjure up the unpredictable for them to be satisfied.
But no,I don't. My totally honest answer always hits the spot I think.
Then they didn't get it and they get angry.
So why the cheesefries do they try in the first place?

The basis is trying is no harm,but trying again and again is like a total pain-in-the-scrotum.
I felt totally maligned in rare situations like these.
What the hell,aren't I the guy who was supposed to be angry cause I felt hard done by?
My lack of negative emotions may just be the flaw that gets me into undeserved situations like that.

I realised thinking too much into an easy situation is bad.
I've seen people think way too much.
The final destination is mostly the starting point.
It's like you're a car,making U-turns after U-turns after U-turns on a straight road.
What for?
Thinking may be viewed as a form of sophistication,but it may also be a hindrance.
Take,for instance,the simplest form of everything,Love.
Love is a feeling,it's not a task. It's more about the heart than the mind.
(Though you need your brains to analyse whether those legs are sexy and got hair or not,Heh.)
It's a sunny-side-up,not an omelette. It's clear where the contrast is.
Thinking too much makes it so dark and awkward.
Though omelette is more delicious.

I've read this book Blink.
It's so true that sometimes,your very first judgement of situations may just be the perfect answer.
Like any sport,it's always the first reaction,the first analysis,therefore the need for athleticism to push your analysis to greater speed. The feel for it.
Like a lot of things,other than Love,the feel for it. It's the solution.

It's very interesting to see how people work and how they respond.
How they react.

Suspicion arises when too much detail is involved into a seemingly normal situation.
Like,for instance,
I volunteered to packet food for my friends. 3 times.
It's like something I wouldn't do,a kind of detail which is not included in my to-do list from day to day. (It is usually Sleep,Eat,Run,Read,Grumble,Watch Romance/Bao Jia Wei Guo)
It makes people wonder. Wonder. And,
Wonder.
It's so out-of-the-blue.
It's so not routinal.
Then they get suspicious.
Cause it's something nobody in my bunk has done so many times.
It's not something Mr Lee here,a lazy moron,would do.
They try to think what can get me to keep buying.

Now that's over-suspicion.
And really,it's out of goodwill and my yearning for food and to make them more and more confused,on my part.
For their part,their conclusion was that I'm trying to get them to be fatter than me. What kind of reason is that.
It's so fun to play mind-games sometimes. Only you have the answer.

Ok,my boring analysis is over.
That's all for today.

Happy Birthday

2007-07-22T18:21:00.001+08:00

The only enjoyment of being Green,I should say,is being able to watch a lot of VCDs & DVD.

My bunk borrowed a few last week and one of them happens to be this chinese movie,Happy Birthday.
It's a Rene Liu and Louis Koo movie.
Not really high-profile,not exactly mainstream I would say.

I remembered,I wanted to watch this movie badly.
But being a poor lonely green man with no girls to go out with and being totally homophobic about watching it with a guy,I missed it.

The reception in my bunk when we watched this is pure baddd.
I guess you can't stick a slow-moving romantic tragedy in a place where half-naked men roam.
Everyone started to fall asleep except me.

So,I brought it home.
I just watched it.
Oh man,it's such a sad movie.
One of those movies where you look back and yes,you remembered it's great,sad and totally makes you all goosebumpy.

A little blackmail-worthy secret:I think I had wanted to cry a little.

It's an easy story about two people.
They were lovers but distance drifted them apart.
But when they see each other,there's just this emotional and physical attachment to one another.
I have to say the intimate scenes were so telepathic I did replay it twice.
But there's just this utter refusal to commit between the two of them.
I feel that this is so real.
There's always an unspoken trap that will entangle two people together yet drift them miles apart.
A kinda like an emotional misunderstanding that makes it all so sad and you wanna go into the movie and be the middleman and just fucking explain to them what's up.
I guess the girl wanted the guy to be more commital,yet she doesn't know that she is the only girl he will be commited to.

The guy character is kinda like a chick magnet.
But he's always there for the girl. Like wherever,that girl will forever have this exclusive corner in his heart.
Even when he's attached to some bitch or whatever,the girl is always special to him.
Therefore the title,he wishes her every damn year.
Singing the song to her in a rather humorous out-of-pitch way in her Voicemail which makes it all the more sweet,in a silly way.

The girl is kinda dependant emotionally.
I guess she is insecure in nature.
And this guy just always fills it all up for her,always seems to be in her presence even if he is not there.

Then something happened,which makes the guy seem like a big ass jerk and they never contacted each other much again,but always,every year,a Happy Birthday SMS.
And the girl seems to be waiting for this SMS every year. Nothing matters more.

Then one particular year.
The SMS came late.

Then goosebumps came over me and then the truth unfolds and then I want to fucking sob like a little bitch and then I'm writing this to make myself remember this moment and then now the theme song is also so sad when the show ends it fits perfectly oh damnn dammnn damnnnn!

Then now I need to feed my saddened soul by going out for dinner.

Watch this show!
Damn good!

Butch Please

2007-07-01T04:44:00.000+08:00

I went to cut hair.
A butch cut my hair.
He explain to me how he will cut.
Act professional.
I say orh.
Then he cut.
He literally yank my hair off with scissors.
The hair flies around my face.
Then I became Congo. Hoo Hoo Hoo!
I keep twitching my nose to stop the hair-itch.
Butch don't get hint.

He washes my hair.
He's an exorcist,trying to scratch the demons out of my scalp and shaking them out.
I feel dispossessed.

I don't know what he's trying to prove.
That he's fat and he can protect girls.
The Hulk turns she-male for a day.
That he's Ronald Macdonald's god-daughter.
That Force=MA (Money x A suibian customer). I kena con money,I very sui bian,a lot of force applied on me.

It's funny how good hairstylists are mostly gay,which means guy having feminine intuition.
It's logical how,assuming the exact opposite,fucking lousy ones are butches,girl having male intuition.

Oh my my my,I'm like a mushroom now.
Super Mario can jump on me and then I will blink-blink-blink and disappear.

Always trust one hairstylist man.

So tired.
Ran ran ran,saw Miss Choo at ECP,don't want to turn into her,ran fast ran fast ran faster!
Smell. Smell. Smell. It gives a funny feeling. Makes me smile deep inside. Thank you somehow.
Foot Foot Football at 1am,I am sooo tired after running my ass off on the court.
I shall sleep.

I feel..... handcuffed with keys dangling at the back of my head.
I want my release! I hate green.
Damn,I'm exhausted.

Just One

2007-06-08T13:22:00.000+08:00

So,20 used to beckon and now it came.
It's still the same.
There's no fireworks in the sky,GST still is rising and the weather is still fucking hot as burning hell.

I thought I've learnt many life lessons in the army,be it experience,theories or opinions.
And when 20 creeps in from the backdoor,the doorbell rings on the front door.
It's 19,
and it wants to teach me something before 20 robs me of it.

When you become too nice,you tend to become a float.
And you will be always be one.
When people don't want to be forgotten,they use the float.
And you are tugged.
But when the harbour is near,the float just literally,floats alone.
So the float thinks,what am I doing here?
I want to sail to the far end of the ocean,I'm not here anymore.
Don't harbour hopes on me. Cause I'm really not here anymore.
Don't think I am.

I want to be a pillar.
A big one in fact.
You can lean on me.
But I can choose who can lean on me.
I will topple if people who don't deserve to lean on me leans on me.
When they thought they can.
Yes,I will be a pillar.
With a brain.
And those who know they can lean on me will lean on me.

I've asked myself more often enough,what I want to be.
The clown. The advisor. The farmer. The showgirl. The general.
I want to be the farmer.
I don't need to know a million people,more than half of which I don't know well.
Then,on my deathbed,I won't know half the people beside as well.
Maybe they just want to steal the gold on my body.

I only need to know the dude who sold me the wheat,the guy who sold me the cow,the kind guy who sends food to my house,the neighbours who eats with me on Christmas.
The people that matters.

I realised I don't want to sit on a train full of strangers,a smooth ride,trying very hard to converse,I'd rather walk through the thick snow with everyone I know.
So I will hug everyone of them,while the tears freezes,the smile lights up our faces and everyone will walk together,laughing at each others' red noses and frozen mucus.
Then we would see the sunrise coming and we will cuddle one another as it melts away our fears.

Thank you 19,but I'm 20 now.
Nothing used to faze me,now it's more than ever.
I won't be pathetic.
I won't try being Jay-Z when I'm just Bow Wow.
I won't smile with a pain on my face.
I've seen too much.
It's enough.
I'm finally floating to the Bahamas.

Trap

2007-06-03T00:36:00.001+08:00

The 1 week break passed by me in the blink of an eye.

It feels really fantastic to feel and smell the fresh air outside.
I feel revitalised.
I feel like I can do anything,so free,so free.

Met up with friends,all so precious,made me realised how I've missed them.
How I relish the old days which I never treasured.

Now,I have to go back.
It somehow made me feel as if something is taken from me.
I'm half the man,or boy I am.
At this period of time,it feels as if I just can't fulfil any promises at all.
I can't justify my presence and I can't assume what I'm responsible for.

Disappointment most of the time to people around you,like you are wrapped with plastic foil and they can't touch your skin,even though their touch is just a few millimetres away and they want your touch,so ever desperately,your comfort,they wanna feel you.
You so wanna feel them too,it's ever so inviting.
But it's always so close and never possible.
You wanna poke through the foil,but it's so tight,scratching scratching scratching,it gets tighter,you become more angry.

It seems I can't be there when I'm needed,trapped in a cell while you watch as your dreams and hopes slowly vanishing into thin air.
Poof,it's gone.
You reach between the poles and stretch your arms as much as you could,but your body is still inside,then you remember. Hell yea motherfucker,you remember.
You bang your head against the cell walls,bang bang bang,closing your eyes shut upon impact.
There you watch the lights from outside cast on a small corner of the cell through the small little cell window.
You feel your forehead,there's blood,you're so damn alive.
You caress the light with your blood-soaked hands,you want to feel it.
It seems as if the light gathers on your hands and repairs you.

A little warmth of the light and it warms the heart,slowly things seemingly insignificant in the past now seems to be the ones comforting your senses.
But you can't go to it,it can only come to you.
Right when you needed warmth,you can only wait for it to come to you.
You wanna immerse every single damn part of your body into the light,you wanna go to it,you climb up to the window,you look outside.
So beautiful.
The sight paints your delightful face,a 2 second smile,then you remember.

You wake up,your saliva tastes weird,it's grossly salty.
Your front tooth,it's missing.
You are tied up,hands on your back.
You lay down on the floor.
Your lady love,right in front of you,down on the floor.
The motherfucker is kicking her face as she screams in pain.
He looks at you,smiles,kicks her face again.
You shout No No No.
But more No's and he kicks harder,he laughs harder.
You scream hard yet the salty blood saliva makes you want to puke.

Lady Love,amongst the kicking,tries to fix her face on you,eyes on you,as her eyes are about to go shut.
Mumbling I love you I love you,as blood flows from both of the edges of her mouth,then her tears follow as her eyes slowly closes.
There wasn't anything else to say on her mind.
You cry,useless piece of shit,you can only cry.

Then,out of nowhere,the ropes loosen.
Why,you wonder. Why now.
No hesitation.
You run to him like a provoked beast.
His smiles feeds your every hunger to fucking bite his face off.
You pounce on him,you scratch his face,from the forehead down to the throat.
His painful screams hesitates you,but it only takes half a second to continue scratching his fucking faggot face.
He scratches your arms back and the skin tears,but it delights you as the blood lingers down your arms.
You scratch then you hammer on his face,blow after blow as he tries to use his already soft limbs to stop your pounding,but you heck the fuck out,you just keep raining blows till your knuckles tear and burn.
He's unconscious.
Yet,you continue punching till you can't seem to see where his nose is at.

You go to Lady Love,she breathes slowly. But breath upon breath,it gets softer.
You cry so hard.
Her hand reaches for your face,but it seems like an uphill struggle. Her hand is shivering,an indication of her desperate yearning.
You held her hand to your face.
She smiled upon the very minute touch. It was a weak and beautiful shimmering smile.
It was as if it was the remedy to her every pain and sorrow.

Then she's gone. Right in your arms.
Even death can't take her beauty away.
You cry like a bitch.
You held her tight.
You kiss her blood-red forehead and your lips stayed there.
You smell her hair,a comfort,a release,a dream.
You close your eyes.
You want to be locked into this moment forever.

I think I watch too much Prison Break.
Bwahahahhahaha.

Auntie/Lost

2007-05-29T16:42:00.000+08:00

Am blessed with a little one week break.

Due to my persistence to not eat too much fried stuff to protect my face from getting more air-strikes,I went to NTUC to get some groceries that would at least last me some time so I won't touch yummy fried finger foods. (e.g. Chippy..knn..)

Grocery shopping is actually fun.
I've never ever volunteered to go to the supermarket with my mother,cause I hate the crowd,the smell,the noise.
And my mom always comes back all sweaty carrying tons of plastic bags.
And she has been doing that ever since I was born.
And I still never went.

I can't imagine what kind of a lazy fat kid I was,but that was a good gauge.

NTUC Bedok actually became super nice liao.
The sections are so spacious,the air-con is cool and there is a lot of things to buy man!
My mom asked me to pick up some chye sim and cabbage if I could,so I even go and jostle with those aunties to pick the veggies.
Once in a lifetime experience.

I bought a lethal combination of Banana Nut Crunch and Dutch Lady Strawberry milk.
Imagine mixing them.
Wow dee wow wow.
I've been eating it for breakfast and happily munching and savouring its taste.

I ran the ECP route for years already.
So yesterday I tried another route.
The Bedok Reservoir Park route.
I clearly have been in a state of insanity.
I ran to this HDB neighbourhood in Bedok Reservoir and saw on the track reading:To Bedok Res Park 3840m
I clearly was blur to not know that I have to run there,THEN run back home.

So I ran and ran,refusing to stop at all.
I was getting worried about where the hell BRP is.
But the track markers sure helped me a lot.

Then I saw the familiar condo where I always saw when TMS organises the annual runs.
I reached the place.
The place gave me a huge sense of nolstalgia.
I remembered running and panting so so hard whenever I ran the route that now it gives me a phobia.
But I decided that since the weather is nice and I may just run into some hot chick(fyi:I didn't),I shall try running the shit outta myself.
Time went by real quick,I finished it without much fuss,really very much to my surprise.

Now's the tragedy.
So now I have to run back.
About 5km.
It was dark already and I ran back slowly,using Cranberry with Aloe Vera bits as my reward.

By the time I reached the slope leading to my house,I was in the zone.
I rushed up the slope shouting all types of insults and grievances.
Wow,what a run.

But it was tiring till my potty body kinda ache now.

We're Not Very Multi-Lingual,Assholes

2007-05-20T12:41:00.000+08:00

I have never hide the fact that I'm always irritated by people putting up fucking,fucking,fucking lame,long,unproductive,senile,foreign bullshit language on their MSN.

I don't know why,maybe I have high sensitivity or diarrhoea.
Just because your favourite fucking foreign dramas or ass-crack wannabe hottie has this Jap/Korean/Thai/Afrikaans/Chinese tagline on their official website or DVD boxset or wherever the hell-as-vampires it's seen doesn't mean you have to copy and paste the whole damn fucking sentence to the MSN personal message.
Do you even understand what those foreign words mean?
Maybe it translates into:"Hey I love scratching my armpits and stick those five tasty fingers into my fucking mouth."

It's a major event eyesore.
A century of hate mashed into a sentence of undecoded,unencrypted bullshit no one understands.

It's really senseless.
These assholes want people to see what they put as their personal message.
Well,I saw it.
I don't understand it.
No one does,it only makes people want to ask right?
Why? Cause no-fucking-body cares about your bullshit business?
And out in this cold harsh winter,you want someone to hug you,comfort you and cuddle you?
Let me cook you a pot of hot corn soup and pour it over your cute little heads,lil' bonanza birdcrap.

Bloody good riddance.
If those I-hajinomoto-D-sukiyaki-I-bonjour-O-sawadikah-T-yongtaufoo-S can even pronounce the fucking foreign language,Billy Costigan would not die.
If they could,it's probably because they rehearse it over and over again,till they get it right to prove a point.
Believe it,it's no point.
The only point is,load a Chuka Hotate sushi into a shotgun and shoot it up your ass and see whether it comes out of your mouth and goes "blop!".
Yes,the point of contact is the asshole.

Don't blame me,the hot weather made me write this.
It's not called Sunday without a reason.

And To My Horror...

2007-05-11T23:34:00.001+08:00

Upon coming home,I checked my mail.
Saw Enlin sending me an e-mail.
It contains photos of our mini class gathering.

I scroll.
I scroll.

My face.

Horror,horror,horror!

I'm messed up.
Way worst than I thought.

Ohhh fuck...this is getting out of control.

The Return Of The Hard-Panting,Jelly-Legged Runner

2007-05-06T19:01:00.000+08:00

I just went for a run.

It's tiring.

I ran the same route which I have been running for the past 5 years.

Maybe 2 years ago,if you've walked past Siglap Park Connector,you may have saw a flying,short,tanned guy looking totally focused,unable to shift himself out of the realm of adrenaline pumping and the high he gets while running at break-neck speed.
He will not falter,he will not give up,he aims to chase every single fucking guy down at the park connector.
He will not hesitate to send a kick-ass statement to you by running past you and not breaking a teeny-weeny bit of sweat.

That guy was.....
Me.

The me today,is the one whose ass was kicked by everyone.
I am soooo fucking tired.
I haven't had much expectations of me running any faster than walking pace even though I outrageously ran 1 and a half hours last week,I don't know how I did it,maybe it was the McSpicy.

As I was jogging slowly and grinning happily,I saw a VJC girl,she was getting ready to run.
Fuck!
I can't be so slow.
She started running.
I can't lose.
So I gallantly try to run for the sake of all the boys aged from 18 to 20 in Singapore to salvage our pride.
I can't catch up.
It was only under intensive effort while drifting into dehydrated hallucinations and sticking my tongue out to try to lick Oxygen to turn them into H2O did I get to run past the girl,while trying to keep the most slim posture and the most handsome face I can give.

And then for the rest of the journey,I was practically struggling to keep myself in psychomotor motion.

What's worst was I was wearing a white T shirt,I was sweating buckets.
And my two cute little perky tits were showing.
I'm shy.
Feeling naked and unable to fathom the thought of people staring at my nipsy-bitsy,I muster up my past glory to save myself from further visual molestation.

But running is a really great sport.
I love running.

A Cause For Major Concern

2007-04-28T11:18:00.000+08:00

I used to be nice.

I will pick up calls from anybody,talk with patience,I will not grunt I will not swear,even if the person is having illogical thoughts.

I may also help you dig your nose and roll your nose shit into a ball with my thumb and index finger and flung it into the far horizons while we watch it travel in a projectile motion in the sunset.

I may accompany you to anywhere you want,even the mangroves to catch crocodiles or aquariums to steal whales or plastic brooms.

Unless upon irritation.
There's this issue that's a cause for concern. I got a good friend who keeps fucking fucking fucking upside down calls me non-stop.
I'm a person whereby you don't push it,I won't push it back.
This one faithful morning,I woke up to find I've a staggering 5 missed calls. From the same person. And he's a male. Talk about stalking.

Let me see,I would never in my whole fucking life call a male for 5 times straight unless he owes me money or he can juggle 5 oranges in one go.
Who in this glorified world would call a person of the same sex for so many times?
It's freaking me out.
I think I have this homophobic complex about guy-guy friendships. Oh man,step back dude,you're acting like a fag now. Don't spoon me. Stop. Right there. My asshole doesn't need circumference expansion.

And the worst thing is,my friend calls me just be-fuckin-cause he's bored. And he wanna talk about this game we played.
I find it totally no sense to keep talking about games. Why the fuck would you call a person so many times to talk shit? Is there such an undying urge to just call a person to talk shit?
I find it so very irritating and the act totally extremist.

Then for the rest of the day,he calls me a further lotsa I don't know how many times.
It's hands down irritating me. To the point that I am determined to never pick up his calls at all.
This scene has repeated itself for as many times as he tried to get through to me:
Phone vibrates,I see the name,Sigh,[insert vulgarity],"Stop fucking calling me!",phone still vibrating,BUT I DON'T GIVE A BIT OF SHIT.

I know it's really mean of me. But seriously,I really hate wasting my time chatting about such stuffs. And I'm a person whereby I find a situation getting really extreme or weird,I will step away totally.
Now for the kindness of my soul,whenever he calls,I tell him I got exercise.
I will have exercise for one year. It's a white lie,it's for the good of the human race.
We should stop talking about games,we should show more concern to one another.
Games are just entertainment,and don't irritate people by calling them non-stop.

The best extremist act is,he calls my other friends to ask where am I?
WAH I find that so so so so very irritating to the brink of breaking point.
It's really like being posessive as a friend,the thought of it really kinda scares me outta my skeletons.
I find that act totally faggotastic.

Seriously,if any people is irritating you,its within your means to not pick it up.
Be brave,do a part for the human race,be courageous,don't waste your soul away.
Just don't pick up.

My Fantasy

2007-04-14T14:31:00.000+08:00

When I was in my mid-teens,girls my age always had nice hair,clean socks,clean uniform.
In my fantasy,they will never ever sweat,they will never ever trap dust,they will forever keep the divine hair smell intact with the cute uniform.

Before I proceed,my brother always used to tell me in my sec sch days,he hates to take train with sec sch people,cause they stink of sweat. Which is obviously to imply me.
Seriously,in sec sch,anything goes,you don care,there's no such thing as "you smell nice."
I've never said that at all. The sentence I said most was,"Auntie,Lor Mee jia Hash Brown hai you yi ge Chicken Wing"

NOW MY FANTASY IS DASHED.

I was in my safe haven,the library yesterday trying to borrow some books when I glanced upon this girl wearing a girls' sch uniform. ("my fantasy,its back within my view...")
She was tying her shoe lace,showing her legs.
At this point,I must seem pretty pervertic,but I won't be as the story unfolds,wait.

Wah it brings me back to the old days where all girls are perfect,no flaw.
The tight uniform and stuff.
The nice hair,yes,its coming back!
I continued with my book search..
Then the girl was in between the same two shelves as me.
I walked past her,with eager anticipation to take a deep smell of her trailing hair smell.

What swept me will change my life forever. It's a wipeout. A meteorite hitting my head. A lemon meteorite.
She reeks of sweat so bad that yes,it brings me back to the sec sch days,but only the moment after PE.
Wah she sure is Sng. ("Sng",is hokkien for Sour.)
My dreams,my fantasy,my indulgence,all GONE within that swipe of flavour-bursting smell of fresh lemon,Orcs and Ogres and Aragorn's backside.
It's like the smell of feet dipped into a bucket full of squid,centipedes and rat tails plus more lemon.
It kills my senses. It defeats my purpose. It banishes me back to black-and-white,just that now history is re-written,they stink.
Help me,they stink like hell.
They should hold deodorants instead of pens to take exams.
The black-and-white shows Orcs and Ogres in girls' uniform holding their armpits up and wanting me to take a sniff. Growl Growl Growl Smell Smell Smell,you better smell or you will go to hell.

I wonder how many thousands of people stank when I was young.
Do I stink as well? Oh damn what a nightmare.
My perception,it's diverted,my perspective,it's ruined,my direction,it's meandering.
I hope I see another one,maybe she will save me from this nightmare.
I shall hold my nose next time,with caution.
No more take a deep smell,it haunts me,it devours my fantasy.
It takes me to a place where monsters live.

The Genius Design Mechanism Of Vitagen

2007-04-08T15:41:00.000+08:00

Say,you had a wonderful lunch,you're feeling thirsty,so you open your fridge and you saw those 6-bottles-of-Vitagen packs,would you tear it up and take a bottle of goodness?
To tell the truth,sadly,hell you would. It's the brilliant genius of the design of vitagen that makes you do so.

I've been sucked into this illusion for far too many times. Miraculously,there has been a healthy stock of Vitagen in my fridge.
Whenever I finish any food,I would whisper a silent prayer,before opening the fridge to find Vitagen!
So this weekend my diet has been a healthy mathematical equation of Fish Soup+Vitagen,McSpicy+Vitagen,Nothing+Vitagen,Play Game+Vitagen,Bored+Vitagen.

You probably feel you should have a bottle because the amount of liquid is not too much,so you won't feel sick drinking it. So amount=genius improvisation. Check.

You probably saw the design as a cute tubby bomberman-like bottle. You can't wait to squeeze its waist with your fingers. design=genius design. Check.

You probably look at all the yummy flavours it offers:Apple,Grape,Orange,Yoghurt,Milk bla bla.. Flavour=genius choices. Check.

You probably won't want to waste paradise in so little time. So you will use those cute little straws they gave instead of opening its whole scalp and chomping on Vitagen's brain juices. Sip. SipSip. Sippppp. OH! Sip so much still left so much Vitagen! Yayyy! My Paradise lasts so long!
Straws=genius volume control of consumption. Check.

So clever those manufacturers. Using limited quantity to force out maximal pleasure in consumers! Wowwww...

Today is my official date as a one-year chlorophyll green-man.
I hate to admit this,but it has taught me quite a few valuable lessons.
Nah,not those discipline,patriotic stuffs,but how you deal with things you thought you can't.
We tend to fall even before we did,that's our worst failure,we worry so much about failing that we will see no other way than failing. That's not the way,we will succeed,we will surely,there's no way we will let us destroy ourselves,it's that simple.

I've met quite a lot of people,but usually a lot are just acquaintances,I will never see them again,you just pick some and move on.
Of course,you get to know who your truest friends are,they will accompany you to find water in the desert,not ride away on the camel and wish you "good luck,I will always remember you."
while in the back of their minds it goes "HaHa stupid slut HaHa"

And you also see people who do things which don't matter at all,which defies logic and common sense,while not even knowing people scrutinizes,lack of sensitivity do kill you.

So much memories right from the start,it's been a joyride plus horror ride.
So much emotions and disappointments and happiness and craziness.
Disillusionment and alot of carbon dioxide leaving my body in the form of sigh..sigh..sigh..
Lost a few things and people,including my girl,gain more about myself,my principles and direction. I hope.

For those people about to embark on a life of photosynthesis,there will be a lot of everything you will experience,you will lose a lot of things along the way as well,but when things come to a standstill,everything that really matters stays with you,it's nicely sealed. Don't worry. Enjoy the ride.

And wait for liberation. That's what I'm fucking waiting for! I've had too much photosynthesis and now I'm a nice green leaf! I wanna grow flowers!

Soul To Squeeze

2007-04-01T01:55:00.000+08:00

I happen to have the perfect luxury of doing guard duty last week.
My first time as a commander.
My job was pretty smooth. Only need to dispatch and sit there like a piece of shit. For 24 hours.
There were newbies. Upon seeing my rank,they start to fret.
Fear is in their blood. They seem really afraid of me. So I just played along and try to act like crocodile.

Pursuit Of Happyness has a quote from the author Chris Gardner:"I'm a person that,when I don't know something,I will say 'I don't know'."
I think that's what had him made.

Well,haven't been up to much,always hiding to escape from doing odd-jobs.
I simply don't care anymore. The fear is getting lesser and lesser in me. Which is bad news.
I'm now trying to find the crack.
Maybe it's because I know now I have more control of myself.
I am just waiting for the date. The divine date,where my soul will be given back to me and I can headbang like John Frusciante playing Californication on a platform to a sell-out crowd.
I am gonna suck my own toe and spit at the gate. And orh the toe dirt let all the people smell.
Ee. Disgusting. Wonder who the hell smells toe dirt ehh.

It will be the day I gain back the whole me. The day I look at the sky and it's really bright,cause now when I look at the sky,even if it's sunny,it feels dark.
The day where I pick up what I left behind 2 years ago.

But I still fucking left 10 months. Talk so much also no use. Fuck lar! Angry angry.

The Neck,Which I Do Have

2007-03-25T14:42:00.000+08:00

I actually do have a neck and now,I have a stiff neck.
I was reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari on my bed in camp. Not exactly the most correct position to read a book.
I was lying with my head hanging out in the air on the bed while I raise my book vertically and reading it happily happily.
But then,I started feeling groggy and I told myself:"Hmm,let's take a 5."
Before I know it,I was falling asleep.
Then I woke up one hour later to feel the most horrific sensation. The stiffest neck I've ever had. I can't even lift my head up and I was struggling with myself to get back. Like cycling in a horizontal position.
I can't twist my neck left or right,when someone calls me from the back,I got to turn myself 180deg to just put that person into my line of sight.
It's irritating,like ulcer. This two things really spoils your day.

I've somehow adapted to my place. Go Jurong Point until bored,going to the library instead.
But of course,in every location in any part of the world,there are always a few vaginas which you really don't like. But it's ok.

Heroes is a wonderful,wonderful concept. It's a brilliant show. Very well-planned and intriguing.
It is worth watching,like my fav,The O.C.
It makes you wanna be a hero.
You don't have to have superpowers to be one.
You have to care more about the people around you,unleash your potential and be selfless.
There are very little heroes in life. The Less becomes the Fish.
The Peter Parkers and Bruce Waynes in real life are the people who look ordinary,maybe a balding fat man or a grey-haired crutch-carrying lady.
It comes from the heart.
Fathers and Mothers are also heroes,they are selfless,they teach and care and when something needs to be done about you,they just do it.

I'm nowhere near those people. It's difficult.
Sometimes the demons inside you just divert you to doing something you know is wrong. It's natural and undeniable.
I'm 3 months away from officially being de-activated as a teenager.
I used to struggle with turning 20,it being a very degenerative factor. But now it's just a number.
Now all I want is to discover more about myself,I still don't know myself enough.

3 Rs now occupy my life: Read Run REST.
The feeling is superb when during the twice weekly battalion 5km runs,you run slowly at the start,keeping a constant pace.
THEN...
you see those vaginas. Those who think they can beat you. Those who think they're the kings,like Xerxes.
Then you just do what you gotta do:annihilate them. Wahahahaha.
Just run past them,without breathing hard,treat it like a breeze,even though I was panting like shit,but I try to hold my breath,damn it,very xing ku. Give them the fucking demoralising feeling.
Me and my friend has done that twice already.
I want to beat them. It's a urge in me. It's unstoppable this competitiveness.
To stamp down your presence,to show them in their faces:"Hey,no sweat,bitch."
The best thing is that they know you are behind and they try to run fast fast at the start so you won't catch up. But I did damn it!

It's some of these small little pointless things that gives meaning.

Influence

2007-03-10T14:08:00.000+08:00

Some weeks you just find yourself not being able to remember what valuable things you have done and learnt and tried to accomplish,last week was one of those weeks.

I haven't done anything that is worth a standing ovation whereby there would be a jealous miser at the back of the ovation aiming a shotgun at you trying to assasinate you cause you just announced the banning of fried chicken wings in officially all cookhouses.

But I did complete a book,well,almost,I left 5 pages. Garrison Keillor's "Love Me". Nice,sarcastic and witty.
Sometimes it's so witty and humorous I let out a short burst of laugh,in which at the same time I imagine people around me thinking I'm insane doing that. Then my head will be fixed on the book,but eyes will look around to see if people are looking. Haa. Idiot.

The influence of judgements and comments sometimes change the way people behave.
It's becoming apparent to me.
It's like climbing a softsand hill trying to please people,to suit people,to fit in or to just be less lonely. Or simply put,feeding your own hunger for attention.

I used to try a little bit to fit in,to try to be chatty,to try to be a shallow person who can't see through people's perceptions,thinking everyone is oh-so-mojo nice.
But I tried and I can't.
That was a long time ago. As a kid.
I remember the first few weeks of JC was tough,cause I never felt I needed to be friendly,an unoriginal me and yaddamaddafucka yak yak yak with every other people I saw.
Kai Sheng and Damien thought I was a gangster. Unbelievable.

I was feeling lonely,emotionally then.
Was never the forthcoming type who cheered at orientation camps(no,I didn't go.),dance like a red indian at campfires(no,I didn't go.) or sell food at charity fairs(yes,I did buy and eat.).
But then things will eventually unfold,people who digs you will eventually will,people who can't click with you will eventually get out of your circle of trust and buddies will stick to you like glue.
In every journey,there's always a destination.

How I fitted in in the end has become a distant blur. Maybe it was a stroke of luck,maybe it was a little witty remark that ignites the spark or maybe I just looked like a poor lil sick puppy and people just wanna stroke my nice fur.
Well,it's nice. I'm thankful.

I don't know if it's an open secret of what,but Nelly Furtado really dances like a fish out of the water.
In both her videos,I was morbidly petrified of her moves,I was really unsure of what she was doing:either trying to dislocate her hips or there was a fishing hook clinging on her lips and she is this giant sea bass trying to get wriggle back to the sea. It's scary.
But her non-visual presentation is not bad though.
Just a thought,a disturbance,gotta get it outta my system. Haa.

Was randomly surfing when I got to discover this photographer.
A kick to the balls to people who photograph flowers,fat limbs or asscracks.
He's the real deal. James Nachtwey.
I think he's pretty popular. He takes photos of the suffering of the world. A war photographer.( www.jamesnachtwey.com)
His tagline is:"I have been a witness, and these pictures are my testimony. The events I have recorded should not be forgotten and must not be repeated."

His photos kinda haunts me. It makes an impact.
It's admirable to know that people get to do what they like and influence the world. Wow.

Title And Registration

2007-03-02T21:48:00.000+08:00

New camp,new personality.

Frankly I don't give a fucking shit about anything.
I am like a retiree,give me fooooddd,give me oxygen and water and I will grow into a big nice flower.
I hate this place.
It's taking me nowhere.

It's far,deserted,strict,inflexible,ugly and no-brain.
Guard duty tomorrow and I can't attend my family function.
Wah,that was the ultimatum for making me hate and dread this place every single remaining day of my NS life.
Somehow,being a soldier gives u a lot,and I mean,really,humongous mix of emotions.
Sometimes you feel high,sometimes you feel motivated.
Sometimes you feel angry,you feel lonely,you feel dumb.
Sometimes you feel like you can live here forever.
Sometimes you feel like you don't belong here in the first place. <----

My sudden spurt of interest in books has crossed over to graphic novels.
Meaning,comics,to be more general.
Dark Knight Returns is gonna be the first,ever,graphic novel I'm going to read.
It's not just pictures,colours and actions.
It carries meaning(well,thats what Amazon people said).
I would love to dig them out.

I am kinda surprised at my change of direction in interests.
I used to dig Muscle magazines,fitness and all those proteins bla bla.
Now I'm more into books,whats coming into me.
But I still like running though.
And food.
But not rice.
Makes you fat.

Somehow,I can't force my mind to be interested in Science at all.
I think Science is kinda boring to me at the moment.
It's too much facts and no imagination that makes it boring.
Like,here comes the fact,see? Cannot change,its a fact. Swallow it.
But imagination takes you anywhere. Change it.
My lack of language proficiency may have blocked me from doing a lot of things that I find fascinating,but its better to be multi-dimensional though.

Sarah sure woke up some ideas on me when she commented that I was lean and fit.
Hmm. I sure was.
I was at my prime. Weights put alot alot. Run fast fast.
PE running win classmates counting by rounds.
Adrenaline junkie. Scold my partner like shit. Full of testosterone.

Now I'm just happy being a commoner.
A normal boy. Undergoing transition.
With a lil pot belly. And a lil muscles thats left from the shining past. A book on one hand and a packet of Pocky on the other travelling on the MRT,just like that. Too normal to be made into any auto-biographical film.
I wonder what I wanted. This may just be one of the little things I want.

I also don't mind Scarlett Johansson on the train with me,sharing my Pocky and tugging my arm lar. Haha. That is an added incentive.

I Hope That Day Lasts Forever...But It Didn't.

2007-02-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

22nd Feb sums up the best days EVER of my life as a Soldier.
My training course ends officially today.
And I'm posted to a unit which made me realised my good luck in the army has ran out.

The days were the damnest fun I've ever had.
The first day,I felt really sad and down because I was the youngest among this poly batch.
But as the days went by,I realised I wasn't any different from them at all and they asked me why I never go poly in the first place.
And I answered them I wouldn't have met them if I went to poly.

I somehow find poly people really engaging and friendly and not arrogant.
They made me feel at home.
They would talk anything to you honestly,openly and crudely.(Their openness scares me sometimes =/)
I don't find much people like that in JC. Those who are,I still talk to them.
And they somehow like to bend the rules,bend it OR go around it,instead of going by it,I LIKE =)
The scariest thing they tell me is that they think I read a lot and my English is good.
I've never heard those compliments in my life.

I played soccer too much,ate Macdonald's too much,slept too much and goof around too much.
I literally slept at 12+ am everyday...
I even found washing toilet,which I loathe,damn fun,it was literally Fantasy Island with the showerheads turned upside down and spraying buckets of water at one another and threatening one another with the brush used for scrubbing the shit off the toilet bowl.

Got caught once though.

Got to finish my Mockingbird,then Born On A Blue Day(a book abt autism) and now I'm in the midst of Teacher Man by Frank McCourt. I've never read so much in my fucking life! What was I doing before this!

I will miss all the friends I made.
Miss the sleep after my breakfast.
The constant cleaning of the block frustrates us cos we all want to sleep yet everyday,6 lucky contestants get to clean the block in the morning.
Miss the late night listening to radio while lying on bed,navigating between Shan Wee(987) or JiaHui(933).
And the guard duty where we cheat our night through. Oops.

As a soldier,these are the things you will miss.
The parade or whatever,fuck it,it doesn't matter. At least to me.
I don't even march properly dammit.
It's all the minor minor incidents that brings smiles to your face.

Now ANOTHER new adventure begins. My army life sure has a lot of change of environments.
And in every adventure,there are a few friends to keep.

That Glance

2007-02-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

And...

I saw her & him first.
She didn't see me.
She then saw me.
I gave a smile and wave happily.

She gave me a glance,like a stranger.
That weak smile.
That soft hello,or was there?
Those fear in her eyes.
I can sense guilt. Was there?

Oh man,this sounds mean,but..

But I feel damn fucking shiok after that.

Clear conscience does give you an alternative orgasm.

That Dipshit

2007-02-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

Came home from some very last minute shopping,flipped my trusty Newpaper and read a cover story which infuriated me and raises my body temperature till my calories and fatty cells are all burnt out.

Sometimes the more highly educated you are,the less human sense you will have.
It seems like only this amount of substance is allowed for both brain and heart and you have to juggle properly the substance between them.
This Shit McDipper probably pour all his substance onto his brain and became the most delicious fucking dipshit I've feast my eyes upon.

This poor ma'am raised his son by doing odd jobs to support him through MEDICAL SCHOOL.
SMD got the degree,became a practitioner earning $200,000 per year.
His father passed away,leaving behind a mansionette under his name.
TA-DAH! And being the smarty-pants that he is,what did he TA-DAH! do?
He TA-DAH! kicked his mom out of the house the next fucking day he got the ownership.
Why!? TA-DAH!
Because his mom is still working as a cleaner in a food court.
He don't want her to work cause he scared TA-DAH! lao kui.
But the mother wants to work!
His wife scared lao kui too!
Then he used his shiny boots and kicked his mom out of the house!

Now his mom is living in a 3-room flat shared with her cleaner friends when she deserves better.
This guy is the most fucked up bastard I've ever seen.
The wife is the most scared throw face anal slut I've ever heard of.
How did she even get a husband in the first place.
She should go marry a mask,can hide her face.

I detest these kinda cockpeople.
They don't deserve to have so many luxuries.

What's better is when the reporter interview the SMD,he referred his mom as "the old woman".
He'll get his just desserts that guy.
One day he and his wife's face will stick to each other and they will never see the world again,cause they scared throw face.

What's more heart-rendering is that,the mom will be eating instant noodles for reunion dinner!

Walao! I read liao,ultimatication,there are too many fuckers in this world liao.

Genuine

2007-02-04T13:14:00.000+08:00

Starting to feel the adult world opening up infront of me.
How people can be two-faced just to survive within their own identities.
The two-facedness wasn't directed towards me,yet towards another individual.

"Must put on mask one mah."
Said one of my friends.
It's kinda scary that to survive,you really have to be the fittest.
Have to be fake,to be flamboyant,to be happening.
To be a total fucking nuisance.

It kinda irks me that I see it this way.
I don't see anyone who's really genuine anymore.
Everyone seems to have a hidden agenda.
Maybe that's why I'd rather read nowadays.

Also notice people can be really really blind to others' emotions.
Heard a convo between two fellow mates.
This blind bitch ask this poor guy what was his O'levels score.
Poor guy said a pretty poor grade.
Blind bitch goes:"WAH! Walao! What happen!" then give that blind bitch smirk.
How insensitive can such bitches get?

I may just jab a pen into his eyeballs and he don't even know it.

Honesty has started to not become a virtue.
People just want to hear nice things.
When they find out any bad bare truth about themselves,they flare up,unable to contain the truth.
They think they know better.
Is this normal human emotion?
Why is the truth so difficult to swallow?

My friend is starting to experience the Army Heartbreak Experience already.
He's taking it pretty hard.
Girlfriend wants to break free,he holds tighter.
Girlfriend nags,he self-destructs.
Girlfriend hangs out with guys,he cries cries cries.

Will Girlfriend stay?

It's amazing when he calls me for a ear,I am surprisingly calm. Even when he wants to contemplate suicide.
I even laugh him off. It happened to me almost half a year before.
I didn't contemplate anything that time. I only cried. Real hard.
Those tears were tears of sorrow. My sorrow was soon gone.
Now I see things in a different light.
Why suffer,I ask him.
And he cries cries cries.
I tell him she's probably having a good time now while you cry like a sorry slut.
He cries cries cries.
I tell him he would have no control as he's always in camp.
He cries cries cries.
I tell him even if he does,it would probably be fake as she's probably lying through her teeth.
He cries......and cries.

New Year is coming.
Time to spend a bit of money.
Have a good week.

The Festive Fruit

2006-12-25T21:25:00.000+08:00

Ok,Merry Christmas.

This Xmas was spend more different than any other year.
I'm not joking,but I was chomping on durians with my good ol' gay geek pal Damien as the clock strikes 12 and I-hate-my-life teenagers at Orchard started shooting ozone layer depleting chemical party poopers at anyone and everyone.

How did I know that they were doing that?
Cause that was the case every year.
And also,I went to Orchard to catch Night At The Museum after the X'mas Durian Extravaganza,which was funny and typically good ol' Ben Stiller movie,that was why I knew what those "young punks" were up to.

I suddenly feel myself growing wings and floating upon typing "young punks".
Not that I'm lao ah pek anyways.
Was really frustrated as I walked through Orchard with my Bro to Swensen's,especially when I totally,totally didn't want any toxic excretion a.k.a cream on me and I was damn paranoid at being shot at.
There were weapons of mass destruction to my delicate shirt everywhere.
It was like a warzone.
I felt like I was in Vietnam and Viet Cong was everywhere.
I had to give that "I'm not a cake so don't shoot cream on me,damn you" face so people won't say:"Merry Xmas,here's your surprise!" at me and start to shoot those nuclear morale-degrading popshots at me.

The thought of bringing a Fire Extinguisher to Orchard for next year's Xmas Eve crossed my mind as much as the number of steps I took avoiding those evil mini-terrorists.
Very high frequency of the same thought.
I will do justice by shooting them back "sevenfold"(copy Fiona Xie at Star Awards,yay,she got in).
One strand of cream at me,One 10 second blur shot of dry carbon dioxide at you!

I miss innocence man.
19 years old is bad.
It's not 20 and it's not 18.
What a turning point. What a year.
It's gonna end soon.
A few more days.

Book in!
Booking out on Wednesday! Long Holiday!
Goodnight..If your present suck,don't cry.

Nothing Develops Many Things

2006-12-09T20:23:00.000+08:00

Life is starting to become really monotonous for me.
It somehow begins to eat me and spit me out,leaving me full of saliva in the middle of a road with a very narrow turn in front.

I need some TNT to like explode my ass into flames.
To Kill A Mockingbird is really addictive,somehow you can relate every single thing you do to another.
It's just like running.
The start really is boring,exhausting,full of doubts about the route ahead.
But when it sinks into you,you love it,you want to live in it.

The wonderful thing about books,I realise,in my really puppy reading opinion,is that it sucks you into the story.
It seems to live before your eyes.
It takes you away for a moment. It makes you see things you may not learn in your defining moment.
Then "Zaaam!",they push you back into reality and you will go like,"Woah,I gotta remember this."

Somehow I felt I've mellowed a lot.
I don't know why.
My eyes are always half-closed too.
The hyper me has been sealed in a box and left to collect dust.
Sometimes,the old JQ will come back and talk crap,but in more other times,it's just the quiet new me.

Maybe I'm really just bored,or maybe I just need something yet I don't know what it is.
Haha,but I have a great bro,Kaisheng,who will always sms crap with me to at least give me back some of the cheeky bastard I once was.

Somehow I began to think a lot.
About my next step.
Be it my course for Uni,my character,the kind of life I wanna lead,the kind of person I will become. The kind of person I am now,the kind of person I was before. The people I've ill-treated,neglected,maligned and hated.

Even,the girl of my dreams,who would she be,would she exist,would she come right infront of my face and say:Here I am.
Would she be the one to save me,forgive all my mistakes,my stupidity and of course,my stupid hair,which even the mellow me hates.
I think I read too much. Haha.

The heartbreak of the failed,snatch-and-go relationship has started to fade away,slowly by itself,maybe because I knew all along. Nobody's perfect,nobody's actions meant anything now. Even mine. I don't bother. Love isn't a quantity anyway.
Yet this new one-straight-line me wasn't mechanised by it.
It just grew onto me.

The horribe thing is,
I started to like this kind of me.
Started to be unbothered by pride,competitiveness and judgements.

Always believed my horoscope,Gemini,gives the person two totally opposite sides.
I think it's true.
Well,have to book in early again,guard duty.
Oh damn,please give me something to look forward to.

Like,a 61kg on the weighing scale.

The Signaller

2006-12-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

I'm now in Signals Institute,but still a trainee,damn.
I'm actually kinda sick of being one already,like really want to break out of the shell and stop being commanded.
But what to do,this is all part of the training.

Speaking of training! Oh man! I love Signals!
The best training man!
All physics stuff,all the circuits all kept coming back.
Then I remembered I failed all those in JC! Woo Hoo!
Am I gonna fail again! Woo Hoo!

The booking out on Fridays is definitely an entitlement not a privilege.
Of course,the good ol' Sispec still provides the best facilities,best bunks and best environment,nothing beats Sispec,where all Specialists belong.
Damn,I'm beginning to feel nostalgia again.

I'm still a botak head at this point of time.
It's getting wayyyy too long for short hair.
Now I can grow hair! Like finally.
Kept thinking of what hairstyle to cut,dream dream and dream....
Then I look at the mirror,nothing to cut,cut simi sai,cut somemore no hair liao.

And my IPPT is coming up again,shit this time is the real deal.
Real deal means money comes in.
For the cakes and suppers,I will run!!

Oh yar,how was the last few weeks in Sispec.
It was filled with trips to Tekong,outfield and all the things you will think back and have that kind of cynical yet sweet smile on your face.
Again,its the friendship that keeps us all going.
Of course the graduation march where we all march past NTU countless times and I just kept cursing that I haven't freaking ORD and the shitheads jogging in the wee hours grinning at us are irritating as hell man.

Fuck! I'm gonna mark my calendar when I'm in Uni next time and walk along the same route and keep eating Old Chang Kee Curry Puff and drink Coke then deliberately pour all on the ground and shout:"With Pride We Lead!" Then pat my belly three times and burp.

The march wasn't really physically demanding.
The demanding part is I geh-kiang never put new sole in my boots!
I was practically walking on virtual-reality-charcoal the whole time.
Pain,it never ends.
Another difficult part is when I was asked to lead song....
Shall not elaborate on that.

I can't seem to finish reading To Kill A Mockingbird.
The really really awful truth is that I started reading it because Borders was selling it for 9 bucks.
A timeless classic for 9 bucks? Why not!
I'm really too timeless to read finish!
I bring to Tamworth,bring to Sispec BSLC,now bring to Signal Institute and I'm still at page 40!
But it's actually quite a nice story for now.
Especially when the narrator,Jean Louise Finch,is a such a sweet girl.

My big toe nail is falling out. Again. Hai,always Atten B.
Kena stepped on when playing soccer again.

And Scissors Sisters is surprisingly a great band!
But judgement is only cast upon their one song,"Don't Feel Like Dancing"!
Very nice song sia!

Good Night!

The Best Song?

2006-11-26T16:54:00.000+08:00

"I Don't Love You"

Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

This is the best track off My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade.
One of the best songs I heard this year.
Good album too,the song "Cancer" is well-written too. About how a cancer patient will write a song,sad song man.
And before any "he's not gotten over his break-up that's why he likes this song" thoughts,
Oh please. No. Go listen.

Boring Stuff

2006-11-12T07:56:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm at home!
It's been a really hectic week.
I'm typing this on a Sunday morning,just booked out,with only 2 hrs of sleep man!
I slept at 0330 and booked out at 0600!

But I can take it.
I don't wanna waste a very short Sunday.

Well,I've been going to the jungle so much this week.
Pretty exhausting,yes,but once it's over,you won't remember it.
I don't like outfield man.
It's really fucking boring.

So I'm now into the 9th week.
2 more weeks to POP!
Please get me outta this place.
I'm beginning to dread the boredom.
I want to learn something new.

Yesterday was the BOMB man..
Running and pronning on mud in the rain,shooting the grandmaster of all anyhow-aim weapons,SAW.
It's my favourite weapon by the way.
I went back to company line and started to wash the stores.
Then I thought to myself,"Would I remember this moment,this feeling of coming back from jungle after a hard day?"
This total rioting of the mind,wanting to sleep,yet have to do all the task req'd?

I suddenly realised something about myself yesterday night.
Totally exhausted,we fall-in in darkness and I passed down 5 cakes issued to us to my section mates.
I took those 5 cakes,handed it to my section mate.
Guess what he did.
He took ONE.
WAH KNN!!!
I damn angry.
Pass down also too shag to think to know must pass down.
Then the 4 cakes drop on the floor.
Wah I was super pissed.
"EH! Pass down lar! You take one for fuck!?" Then I chuck it back into his hands and turn around.
I'm a person who doesn't give a fuck about whether you love or hate me when I'm fuckass tired.
I will still wake up the fucking ideas.

You realise there are always selfish people around but they just try to act as if they are the most magnanimous.
Talking about helping out,unity and some other odd bullshit that when said,the whole atmosphere goes wet blanket,as if it was taken out from a quote in a movie,but they are the ones that hide when help is needed.
I started to question the integrity of people.
I started to question how wayang can just give you recognition you don't deserve.
What fakers are out there,I don't know.

But there are also always the ones that are genuinely kind-hearted,a heart of gold,always willing to give a helping hand but just stay in the backroom,keeping quiet just contented they never kena tekan.
I like this kinda people.

You can see it through their eyes.

My mind is now blank.
Standby mode already.

Good morning...

Tired Eyes,Little Time

2006-11-05T00:53:00.000+08:00

Booked out in one piece!
The section training in Tekong was one helluva xiong.
Don't know if it's me losing fitness or what,but it's tiring like siao.
But my section managed to do the training well!
Fast learners...Do 2,3 times then ok liao.

Got one guy damn funny.
He damn shagged already after first day.
Second day he was super lethargic and not focused and was like wandering in his own world,like finding an oasis like that.
Do everything also half-fuck and stuff.
Then he cannot even kneel properly cos his knee hurts.
Then there's this drill where a guy from the section must be the casualty.
Then my sectcomm lucky lucky pick him be casualty.
Then fake fake act dead.
Then at an instance,he sprang into life,shouted "AHHH!!" and dive down onto the ground,waiting for us to evacuate him.
Walao,sibei li hai.
Can rest then so focused.

The sourness(suan) of the thighs can be felt throughout the whole training man.
My butt also damn sour. Sit down whole leg will numb one.
But the funny thing about humans is that,once we went through the hardship,we look back,it brings back a smile on our faces.
Like exams in JC.
During exams,complain like siao,laugh at the patheticness of our knowledge,panic attacks in the middle of the night.
After that,we kinda miss it. Like how we want those days back badly.
If only age and time can stay constant for a while so we can do it again.
I mean exams. Not field camp.

Well,more physical demands will come next week and then the following week.
I wonder whether I will become damn sian or not.
But whatever it is,let's just let the days go by,it'll be fine.

Irritatingly,though my days as a civilian in a span of 7 days is only 1 and a half days,I notice people like to use this word: Promiscuous.
YAR YAR YAR.
Nelly Furtado right. Her song right.
Listen that song already then know this word right.
Last time don't even give a fuck what is this word right.
This word sound damn complex right.
So use already smell your own fart more xiang(fragrant) and feel more sophisticated right.
Meaning also damn Sexy,Naughty,Bitchy right.
BAMMM.
So now the whole world uses it.
Welcome to the copyright world.
Where "promiscuous" is the new hello,byebye,goodluck,takecare or any helluva description people can use on themselves so they don't need to use "ass","crap","bullshit" or "cucumber" or any other vegetables instead.

Soon,everyone is gonna start to go
A:"Hey B! You are sexy!"
B:"Hey A! SEXYBACK to you! I'll bring you sexyback! YEAP!"

Why not use Andy Lau's Ma Tong song.
Quick,everyone say:"I am so Ma Tong lar! I am so full of shit inside! Quick! Flush me. Or sit on me. Please push my head down first! Or your ass will fall right into me!"
And stick a sticker on the head that reads:
"Pull ears to flush. One ear half flush. Pull both ear full flush. Never pull ear no flush. Don't flush. Because this Ma Tong is,check it,sooooo full of shit."

Ahh,ok,goodnight.
Soccer tomorrow morning!

Muddy Muddy Jungle

2006-10-29T17:43:00.000+08:00

What a short week!

Well went back on Wednesday and did a whole lotta shit but it was ok.
Had Navigation Exercise and it was quite fun.
Find checkpoints,check azimuth bla bla..
It was in the jungle where it started to rain like hell!
We all panic! All faster put down everything wear Gore-Tex jacket.
But you know it's really lovely to walk in the rain.
When I see my fellow detail mate walk in front,I really see a soldier,like those war scenes where the epic battle is going to start and the camera focuses on the soldiers and they are walking to the destination...cool...
And you start to feel like a kid all over again.
I remember when I was a kid,I LOVE to play in the rain and my mother would be so angry at me.
But it's so fun! Stepping on the puddle of rainwater and walking on it.
It's like a mini Fantasy Island. Subarashi down the hill.

So last week ended quite monotonously,yes,I'm still very monotonous,always stay home watch EPL and yes,Rooney scored a brilliant hat-trick.

This week is the BOMB!
Fuck man,cheong sua week,go Tekong for training.
The memories will come flooding back!
I'm thankful for BMT!
I think it's such a great experience.
But I don't like to cheong sua leh..
Hope the weather will be good.

Slept for very long just now and had some very weird dreams. Like watching movie.
It's scary.

Aiya,booking in already.
Go buy Pocky and board the train and read Newpaper! So monotonous!

I want my OC Season 3. Haha

The Times You Don't Count Time

2006-10-21T04:02:00.000+08:00

Feel myself getting more and more adjusted and comfortable with stay-in kinda life already.
Like won't have OOC at the back of my mind all the time.

Remembered I really wanted to OOC during the first 2 weeks,even lied to myself that I had a knee problem.
Thinking back,I wonder what was wrong with me.
What was I afraid of?
What's my insecurity?
Then as the weeks went on,I just let it go and went with the flow,it all turn out fine.
Just hold on.

The IPPT and SOC were my major focal points.
Cos for IPPT Gold,I get to get a reward of half a day off!
Not for glory,not for consistency,not for saving face,but for the half day off.
I wanted the gold so bad I would put my underwear over my head and roll down a hill for it.
Have to admit I am not as fit as before,the flabs are all for show,but the mental is there.

Heng Heng Wanton Mee,I got the gold..
In fact I wanted the Gold so bad I break my own 2.4km timing by one second,which is still not that fantastic but its commendable for a fat man ok!
SOC,I always hate.
Both my palms bled for it man.
Like total blisters bursting blood spewing out that kind..
Lucky no more timings liao! Pass already!

I no longer count down to the end of course already,I see no point.
The more you want something to end,the more emotional turmoil you'll encounter.
So now I reverse psychology myself,which is to take this course as never-ending,everyday suck thumb and do,don't think,don't look forward,look down,and do.

And laugh at funny things I see is my new hobby!
Today I spotted another one.
This guy sitting beside me on the bench while we were waiting for firing was sleeping.
Then he was sleeping face downwards..
Gravity makes us understand,that all objects with mass will be attracted to the ground.
He woke up,yet was too slow to catch a large pile of drool totally *splat*! on the floor from his mouth.
Damn big pile of delicious saliva.

Being a image conscious person(he thought I never saw him drop drool),He fake fake recce around see got people see or not,look at me see I got see or not(I pretend fall asleep).

Then he smart,he started talking to me to divert my eyes away from the floor,talking nonsense to me(I even had to hold my laughter so that I can laugh more later after the whole episode ended,Conservation of Laughter,my kind of Science).

He takes out his green bottle from his SBO and proceeds to pour some water on his hand and fake fake wash hand so that water will drip on the floor and make it seem like the whole pile of wet stuff on the floor directly under him is actually water.
Ya ya,as if all humans wake up from sleep and wash hand immediately.
Lao chui nua lao gah song song gia paiseh. (drool till shiok shiok scared embarass)
I Ahm Chio(laugh in silence) like siao..

This teaches something.
When you did something embarrassing,doing things that is out of the human behaviour to hide it will make it even more embarrassing.
Especially when you do it beside a guy who sleeps on the desk during his JC years so much that he has conjured up 1000 and 1 ways to conceal his drool of embarrassment,so tactical and precise he will even eat it back to save himself from any form of punishment,laughter or total annihilation of in-class doze-off.

Goodnight.

I Wish Sunday Was Longer

2006-10-08T18:46:00.000+08:00

In the blink of an eye,it's book-in time again.
Why do I still feel this anxiety everytime I'm booking in?
It feels like everything is starting all over again?
The waiting for another weekend sucks.

Monday blues kicked in so bad last Monday.
Would I feel the same way tomorrow?

It's already 3 bloody weeks gone,I'm still far away.
This kind of really really silent sadness is killing me man.
My friends have finished the process or nearing to finish.
And I'm still at the start.
That's the sad part.
When is this gonna end?

Looking forward to the long weekend holiday next next week.
2 "NEXT",super long!
Oh please help me..
I'm going to drown!

Everytime I think about booking in,the image of a very hot afternoon,me wearing long 4,sitting on very hot soil pops out.
And I felt that on last Thursday...

Damn suck thumb...
Serious..
This is the worst suck thumb I've ever experienced..
I wonder how my mood can get better.

Sigh!

Dying Breed Of Cowpiss

2006-10-08T01:57:00.000+08:00

I'm here to talk about a species of animals existing for a very long time.
Not very long,quite long,ever since I touched football.

They play football,claim to love football,yet don't understand football.
They can't win you,they can't defeat you,so they try to use other "contact" sports to kill you.

I've played with these sodomiser ass-fuckers species for a lot of times,they come from different places,different schools and different cliques.
But they are all fucked up,in the same mo-fo way.
They can't play football. But they think they are better than you.

What's worst is,they proudly wear their college school team shirt and then give you THAT face.
Uh-huh. Disgrace your school with those step-overs. On your other foot.
It's utter thick skin to proclaim yourself as a school team member when playing like brinjal.
SURE,fine you are better than me! Of course! You push the ball to Tibet and try to aim at the goalpost yet shoot to Amsterdam right?

Then when they laoya and make a fool out of themselves,they try to cover it up by acting half-hearted and laughing,wanna smoke their way through and making a scene whereby the opponent will think they're not playing to the best of their,if any,abilities.
These idiots sure think that their opponents are also idiots.
I've seen this wayyy too many times.

Today,a damn fine Saturday morning,woke up to find a msg by neighour asking me wanna play street soccer. SURE,why not? I so lousy,must play to improve mah.
Then I happily went and played with these group of you-can't-touch-my-hair,if-it-change-shape-i-will-shout-"cuckoo-koo-koo"-and-distintegrate sodomisers.
These type of people,I've seen too much.
And indeed,they tried to fight with my neighbour's friends.
Just a small push,they will fall to the ground and give a big shout of discontent,give a stare and wants to play rough baby.
YET,their physical shape is not tough enough to beat you in that department.
So what the fuck can they do?
Then they will try to act focused on the game,but they are not,cos they can't beat you in soccer,so they beat you,like literally.
Stupid nonsense.

I can't believe in this 21st beautiful century,such motherfuckers exist.
How childish can you get?
These are the people who never gets contented with themselves.
Simply put,they hate themselves.
So to make themself feel better,they try to get people down.
But they can't. So they try to vent out the frustrations.
Sad right?

It's always good to understand what you can do,face reality,know your limitations and then IMPROVE! What's so fucking difficult.
Why try to stuff a whole humpback whale inside a small piece of wanton skin?
It doesn't work man.
Speaking about improve,my soccer deprove le. Haha very bad.

OH PLEASE,if you want to fight when you play football,please quit the game,pack up your bags,buy a bowl of peanut soup with sesame tangyuan and flush yourself down the toilet.
Cause you're one big piece of shit.
People who fight while playing soccer are usually those who suck at it.
And it's usually those people with the same type of face.
Really damn disheartening to know these people wants to play football.
And these people are coincidentally the same type of people who don't know anything about EPL or any other shit,yet talk about it as if they are Arsene Wenger.

Sure,there are also those who can't play well,but has a heart of gold and are willing to learn and play a nice little footie,yea those are nice people.
But there are these other cowfireextinguishers who fuck it all up.
Damn,I'm starting to feel the fire within again.
I am the knob of the toilet bowl,and I would love to flush these pieces of fresh hot shit down the toilet.

I Love To Sleep

2006-10-01T01:53:00.000+08:00

I'm only into 2 weeks of my "leadership" training. Ah what the heck.
I can't imagine myself as a leader. Always believed myself as a follower,doing the job I'm required to and that's it. Pack up,go home.
But this is life. Haha my fav quote at the moment. It always wants to give you another direction.
Training was...well,a piece of cake? As if,then I will eat it up.
Of course it's physically demanding. Sometimes my morale will sink to an all-time low,yet it's not the physical training that causes the low morale,it's just the "why am I doing this?" mentality that's killing me.
I have to admit the days of canoeing is wayyy wayyy wayyyyyyy behind me now.
I'm not the "train like siao,eat like siao" Jia Qing anymore.
In fact,what I enjoy now is peace =)
Everyday,I just look forward to being able to go back to my bunk and just stone.

And talking about peace,John Mayer's new album Continuum gave me that.
After a hard day of rushing and scolding for whatsoever reasons,plugging into good ol' talented JM is enough to put a little smile on my face before I fall asleep.
It's very scary cause most of the songs,especially the ones at the back,are like totally giving me answers I don't want to know.
JM's lyrical attributes exceeds that of,sorry,Simple "very simple" Plan.
It's quite bluesy,as in it's those songs whereby the tempo is damn slow.
My favourite is "Slow Dancing In A Burning Room".

Kai Sheng told me I have changed.
Last time I was a person who didn't bother much and can hardly be contacted.
He says now I care more and do not shun anymore.
I hope that's a good thing.
I cherish more now I guess.

People around me are changing.
The good or the bad I don't know.
I don't need to.
I hope I don't change much.
I hope I don't get influenced to do things or become a person who I actually will hate.
That's stupid. Don't be stupid.

I just finished this brilliant book.
It's by a former mega drug addict named James Frey. It's called A Million Little Pieces.
This book gave me strength I guess.
The struggles,the honesty,the very very brutal truth behind everything he writes haunts me but yet gives me hope and courage at the same time.
The last few pages of the book,every sentence I read,goosebumps keeps coming over me.
I don't know whether it's because I don't want the book to end or that the book has touched my heart and soul.
It certainly is one of the best I've read.
Not that I've already read a lot.
But this book,top notch man.

As much as I love to sleep,I just can't.
No matter how tired I am,after a day of deep sighing training,I just can't seem to sleep in peace.
Always wake up in the middle of the night,yet feel happy about it cause it's still not 0530 yet and I can still fall asleep and wake up again.
A few times every night,I wake up,see the clock,not yet 0530 and feeling happy about it.
It's like going to school last time where you just hate 0630 and when you wake up and it's roughly 0430 and you will like give a tired and sleepy "Yay..." and hammer your head onto the pillow and just drool the 2 hours away.
Can't believe I can actually get a small kick out of something like that.

Goodnight.

The Sinner

2006-09-22T21:41:00.000+08:00

I'm currently at SISPEC. Good place. Nuff said.

Girl,don't compare your abilities to others,everyone's strong points lies in different places,it doesn't make you any less talented,nor does it give you any advantage.
Have the fighting spirit to fight.
You've got the brains. It's just low confidence blocking your intelligence. Inferiority makes you weaker.
Know what you are dealing with.
I can't be there for you everyday now,but I'm just a phone call away. Ok,from 2130 onwards.
This is a small obstacle. Come on, you're stronger than that.

The fragility of life. I can't believe it.
Regrets. A lot.
Cherish. Just cherish. Don't neglect.
And no,this is not the relationship.
It's something more than that.
I'm sorry,I really,really am this time.
I will do proud.

Mr Lion and Mr Potato

2006-09-10T04:10:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling damn fucked up for a very long time.

I think no one knows it,I don't tell.
No one would understand. No one would care. This is a selfish world anyway.
Always listen to other people's aches and pains,now I wonder why I do that.
It seems I'm the only one doing that.

My relationship,thats it.
It's been really rocky for the longest time.
Been trying to distract,distract,distract.
But she just brings me back into the shithole.
I don't understand girls man,I really don't.

Army,Uni,new friends,new life,new crap,new apologies,new consolations.
Becca once told me she needs time to settle down.
Yeap,I did that,tried my best,salvaging isn't easy.
Then I realised it's not about settling down anymore.

Let me tell all of you folks a story.
There was once this book Mr Potato always reads. Mr Potato loved reading that book.
And then he always seem to not be able to read finish.
He always has some other things to do and he just can't finish it.
Then one day,he began feeling confused about whether wanting to finish that book or not.
So one day,he decided to shelf the book,promising himself never to read it again.
Mr Potato found another favourite book to read.
Get me? No? Too bad. End of story.

I always wonder how people would end up feeling so destroyed,crumbled and totally alone after being hurt.
Oh hell yea,now I feel it. Big time.
And it's those kind of hurt whereby it's cold and silent. It just keeps holding you back when you want to move forward.
And saying sorry just makes you feel who is real anymore.
Then you start to wonder whether if it is your fault.
But for me,I realised it wasn't in approx. 3 mins 27 seconds.
I think relationships get more and more fragile as you grow older.
Then all the bullshit comes in.

Let me tell you folks another story.
Mr Lion caught two preys. A Frog and A beautiful Swan.
He don't know which to eat.
So he asked the Frog to wait,let him make a decision so he can know what he want to eat.
The Frog ended up confused,like:"why the fuck do you consider wanting to eat me or not,while I wait for doom?"
End of story. Get it? No? Too bad.

I always thought I could brave through it all.
Always thought I was a guy so strong in the mind.
How long would I take to mend this.
This total inferiority about myself.
This loss of self-identity.
Who am I?

No one would give me a ear,no one would I know.
No one would give me even a minute,that I know.
No one would try to even know or understand.

When will I heal to become who I was?
Let's just wait and see.

HurHurHur!

2006-09-09T16:44:00.000+08:00

It feels good to be home.

Was partying much of this week. Tired man.
Went Dbl-O with MyNameIsWayne and Daniel on Wednesday.
My oh my! The amount of ang-mohs is scary!
The amount of not pretty girls was also scary! Scary as in both the amount of not pretty girls along with their faces.
3am close le. Bloody turn off.
But hell,it was fun.

Then yesterday I went DXO!
Ahh! I like that place.
A very nice vibe to it.
Went with the same two guys again,but this time got Daniel's friends coming along.
There's this drink called Graveyard,which taste like graveyard soil.
But I hold my nose and I didn't get a headache!(I'm a super lousy drinker!)
They drank this drink called Waterfall,looks damn cute!
Then I know why it's called Waterfall.
The gal who drank it started puking after that like waterfall,non-stop. Haha.
Evil name huh.
But very confident.

My posting is coming soon.
To tell the truth,I'm sick of serving already.
I just want to go home everyday.
What the hell,what should I do.
Twitched my shoulder in Australia,don't know whether it is giving me a chance or giving me a choice.

Physical attraction. It's a powerful thing indeed.

Ok,going to friend's birthday party soon! Damn near my house.

The 8 Pieces Of Domino's

2006-09-01T16:40:00.000+08:00

I ate 8 freaking pieces of Domino's Pizza yesterday night.
I ate 2 Pepperoni & Cheese,2 Meatball & 4 Hawaiian.
How the hell did I do that?

I guess all the weight off my shoulders after failing has has been added to the weight of my body.
Oh man but the pizzas are freaking delicious!

I like watching movies that makes me think now.
Watched 21 grams just now.
I had wanted to watch it very long ago,but in Singapore it's R21.
Quite confusing at first,but just move along with the movie and it'll take you along.
A movie about guilt,love,redemption and how life intertwines between these 3 main characters.

AND from this movie,I realised a fat man can be damn cool and handsome too.
Benicio Del Toro! Wah damn fat,but damn cool.
He looks totally like Brad Pitt.
And he has these white and grey hair and beard that makes him totally rugged. And those piercing eyes.
Wah sibei cool. He looks like a Mexican Mafia.

I went running along the road outside my accomodation just now.
Played Death Cab on my mp3 and just ran while viewing the fantastic countryside.
Horses eating grasses,windmill,the strong smell of fertilisers,which obviously is cow dung.
Beautiful beautiful.
The strong winds made my throat dry and the sun is bright but not hot.
I can still hear the soles of my shoes running against the little chunks of rocks on the side of the road even thought I had music on.
The folks driving their cars looking at me as they drove past me.
The winds sometimes made me sway to one side but it was a fantastic feeling.
Made me try to go against it more and run straight.
To and fro I ran.
The view somehow seems different.

Can't wait to be home.
I will miss here obviously.
A nice little town.
Very Kembangan.

But I can't seem to find any fuckin' nougats here!
I want to eat nougat!
Fuck lar!

The DAY

2006-08-31T12:54:00.000+08:00

"This realm is not meant for man. If it was,God would have given us wings."

I have to say I'm better off as a man.
I failed my test.
And this quote was from the tester. He said that two weeks ago after one of his briefs.
And coincidentally,he was my tester.

Was feeling really fucked up the moment I woke up today.
I can't wait for it to end.
And as soon as it started,it was over.

I have to say I'm not born to fly.
Neither do I have the capability.
My hats off to all pilots.
They're the elites.
Will respect them for that.

I have to be so thankful for this trip.
It was an experience of a lifetime.
Think I disappointed a handful of people when I failed,but nonetheless,what's done is done.
I know my path,this is not one of them.
Failure is just another stairway to learning,and boy,I learnt a lot.
I know I may never get this chance again and the prestige that comes with it,but heck it,that's not my priority in life.
Happiness is.

Flying back to base just now,I look around the landscape,it was beautiful.
I never had a good look at the landscape. Was always trying to find the specific checkpoints to turn or whatever.
I look at it today.
It was beautiful.
A beautiful country town.
The very green grass,the lakes,the mountains,they form a magnificent picture.
The sheeps looks like white little cotton buds from my view and the horses look like rabbit shit(sorry).
And the houses look like the monopoly ones.
I think the gravest mistake I made was flying into the clouds.
Ho Ho Ho.
But imagine clouds just beside you?
Amazing man the view.
Like you are Super Mario and you are literally stepping on them.

Tester did one last aerobatics for me.
Gotta say wasn't feeling too well after that but I was satisfied. =)
Woah man.
The experience of a lifetime.
I can never get this feeling again.
Though one of the feeling was quite bad,always had this nauseatic feeling on the plane.

Can't wait to play ball again. To get on with life.
This trip to Australia feels as if time just stopped.
But 4 hours ago,it started ticking again.
And I'm happy again =)

Will have a nice peaceful break & continue with my NS.

Oh boy,what a trip.

The Twin Assasins

2006-08-29T16:50:00.000+08:00

I brought two pairs of socks to Australia.
I wore two pairs of socks in Australia.
I haven't washed this two pairs of socks in Australia yet.
I hold my breath everytime I wear this two pairs of socks in Australia.
They fucking stinks.
They're killers.
They kill.
They're nuclear warsocks.
They emit sniffers that smells like a cross between vomit,shit and two buckets full of tartar plus curry.
Ooh,smelly sock,please don't be so damn smelly.
I want to wash you. But I can't.
30m from my room to the washing area is too far for me.
It's too long a journey to risk sweat and hunger for you my socks.
Please bear with the suffering,don't put anymore suffering on me.
I had to evacuate quickly from my room everytime.
It's like a nuclear gas exercise. Oh my Oh my.
I've lost count of the amount of waves of ups and downs I do just infront of my nose to swipe away the smell.

Today's flight was cancelled.
Fuck,a lot of people are going home,I haven't even take my test.
I nua for 4 days already.
4 days free allowance! $$$ Hehehe.
Shall save it all up,don't want so gong like last time earn le use ALL up like money put inside bank is furnace like that will disintegrate into ashes.

Today's dinner was french fries,bbq chicken,pasta,rice,sweet and sour pork etc. etc.
I've been eating a lot (duh.)
But that adds up to my transformation back into a small kid again.
My friend say I go club confirm they will check my id. Basket. Fine lar.

Some of my friends are going home already.
Will really miss them.
But I'm going a few days later.
But thought can go home with them together so can tour Sydney for a while.
But what in the bloody fuck,my flight was cancelled.
My suffering just won't end eh..

I did my Ops Brief that day!
Finally a load off my shoulders.
It's a brief that is conducted everyday.
And everyday one guy must go up present.
I've been worrying about this ever since I step foot on Australia.
I hate presenting.
I remember PW,what the fuck,totally sian.
I read damn fast,I try to act like Sean Paul,read so fast until Boss say I in a hurry.
Haha but nonetheless,I say finish without any crucial mistakes! YAY.
That was the most stressed 10 mins of my fucking life.
IF you discount the lower secondary music tests where you go up and do whatever musical nonsense you can come up with.
I remember I suck everytime.

I watched Wicker Park,the DVD that day.
That was so nice! Sweet thriller.
Josh Hartnett super handsome,I like his hair.
Diane Kruger,that Helen Of Troy,another stunner.
That show is damn sweet!
And a very nice song was in it!
Stereophonic's Maybe Tomorrow.
Wah,damn nice song.
Please go watch if Channel 5 EVER shows.
Like they will take forever.
They take forever to show The OC season 3.
And forever is the time where I depart for Australia. Good job Good job.
Makes my stay here feels like forever too.

I gotta go "study" liao.
In the TV room. Eat Domino's Pizza and watch DVDs!
Hahaha! Multi tasking is very important in my vocation,I shall do that.
But I can't guarantee I can execute it perfectly.

Goodnight people! Woohoo,I'm feeling better today.

The Norm

2006-08-26T15:58:00.000+08:00

It's Saturday!
Went to town to grab whatever things I could lay my hands on.

Actually I only bought chocolates,quite a lot,don't know how to distribute.
I realised every night I sleep,I wake up in the middle of the night!
The fear of not waking up early.
I slept a bloody 10 hrs yesterday.

I realised I laugh at anything. That's not healthy.
Today I suddenly realised some jokes are not funny.
So I never laughed.
Finally I've enlightened myself again.
Trying to laugh at unfunny jokes to click is totally off the wishlist of me.
Hur Hur.

The people here are damn friendly,even the cashiers.
They will ask how's your day before they tell you the price of the things you buy.
And being a typical shy Asian in a country dominated by caucasians,I blabbered some non-language animal reply(GuurrrGuurrHoorrttHoorrt) and before I could give a decent reply,she said the price.
Ahhh,failure.

I also realised that in a crowd of all guys,movies with laughs and boobs are the ones that could make it.
Just watched Who's Your Daddy just now. Totally boobs man. Haha,I've lost count of the amount of that I've watched.

Oh man I miss babe. I miss my friends and family. And scarily enough,I miss my neighbours!
The ones who grew up with me.
Missed the suppers and soccer with them.

Now I have a new direction. I just want to be happy.
I would do whatever things that makes me happy.
I won't force myself to uphold any values,judgements or status anymore.
So silly. It's like forcing Zoe Tay to speak english.
I want to be the free spirit again!
Want to canoe,canoe!
Want to run,run!
Want to kick ball,kick!
Want to sleep on the floor,sleep!

Spoke to my buddy Austin online yesterday and I realised he was having this thinking phase like me.
Looks like I'm not the only one.

I keep having this crazy thought of learning motorcycle yesterday.
I just think it's so cool to own a Vespa. And to have your own custom helmet and colour.
Haha. And I'll vrrooom down the highway while smiling happily.
But it's so dangerous I realised.
Well,just another passing thought of a bored Asian overseas who gets scolded in the air very,very often. And blabbering animal language.

The Billabongs and Quiksilvers here are super duper expensive.
But some designs you can't find in Singapore.
I was eyeing this wallet last week for a few mins,then my friend went to snatch it up.
So moral of the story:Like,buy.Think,no more.
I'm really quite broke in this foreign land now.
Esp buying $30+ of chocolates.
Shit man.

Saturday is ending soon and it's freaking me out already.
Monday is coming.
By Wednesday I will know my fate. Although I already know,I just need a reaffirmation.

Good evening Singapore,hope the sun shines as brightly as ever.
Haiii,fuck it,I'm damn sian.

The Conclusion

2006-08-24T17:26:00.000+08:00

I'm totally maxed out.
Although my coursemate keep saying I look damn relaxed,maybe that's me. I always smile. No matter what.
Life really kicks you in the balls.

Tomorrow will mark another disastrous day for me.
I don't know why I don't like it here.
Well I like the fun and stuff,but I'm not focused.

I keep telling people it's more about brains and talent,it's also about determination and passion.
Passion. A good word to use. I'm passionless.
Tuesday will be the day.
I shall let what I'm able to do decide. If I'm able to do anything at all.
Don't cheer for me.
I don't deserve it.

Babe's emails always cheers me up,and I'm always looking forward to sitting infront of the computer and browsing random Singapore blogsites and just chilling.
Tomorrow is Friday. Oh hell yea.
One hour of hell and I'm off for the weekend.

Gotta take my heads off to people who are determined to make it.
Actually most of my coursemates.
To the guy sitting beside me now,yes Chion that's you.
Go all the way,you can do it.
It's your childhood dream. You have the ability.
And paiseh for the incident this afternoon. Haha.

I hope everyone in my course pass.
Although I know the norm says otherwise.
I'm falling back to the army.
Gotta plan my next step.

Well hell week is ending soon.
And flowers will grow on the ground,the birds will sing and the sun will rise again.
Will blog while crying at the same time tomorrow.
Cya!!

The Bad Day

2006-08-22T16:24:00.000+08:00

Today sucks.
Totally screwed up everything.
Morale damn low.
I have no more motivation.
I want to go back to Singapore.
Don't force me anymore.
The day gets worst and worst with more things to do in the air.
Wat the fuck.
I'm not cut out for this.
I'd prefer to stay on land.

I miss so many things.
I don't care how people see me anymore.
I don't enjoy this a single bit.
Slowly and slowly,it drains my happiness away.
My smile is gone,I've lost my direction.
Please take me back to where I came from.

I want my Lor Mee and EPL.

The Nice Weather

2006-08-19T15:21:00.000+08:00

Hey!! Haha greetings from Australia.
Now using the computer,just came back from Town just now.

I have to say I'm not exactly enjoying the life here. But also not disliking it.
It's a pretty peaceful place and the accomodation is perfect.
Just that there's no bolster. Haha.
Food is super good,getting sick of it though,a lot of meat.

Weekdays are hell. Next week is Hell Week,where everyday is stress day.
You'll never know what you'll get next here.
But nonetheless,its ok! I shall try to stay optimistic,it will make my trip here more memorable.
Well,I bought two shirts just now!
And I tried the doughnuts! Frigging fantastic man. But it's A$2.20,freaking expensive huh.

The great weather here!
Sunny yet cold. Totally love the weather,but this bunch is not a sporty bunch,only stay in front of computer and train finger muscle. Click Click Click.

I just discovered I'm gonna miss both the 7pm and 9pm Channel 8 show in Singapore.
Oh shit,the 9pm show damn nice lor! Too bad when I go back,another crappy show will be shown le.

First few days,was feeling really homesick man,cause I'm so far away,plus the long journey and thinking about how long I'm gonna stay here,I really felt like wat-the-hell.
But I'm fine already!
I hope I enjoy my stay here.
I don't ask for too much,just let me go home can le. Haha.

Days end here damn early. But the lessons and stuffs to learn is overwhelming,worst than jc.
Ahh,I miss the school days again.
Tonight I'm gonna watch DVD and eat my Salt & Vinegar Chips!
Then tomorrow,it's back to studying,fuck lar.

It's a nice little town man. Where you can see all the one storey terraces beside the road and then by one or two turns,the main shopping place is reached le. So nice.
I felt so damn asian here. And totally short.

Everyone here is damn tall and big-sized!
And they're really friendly. They will not shy away from you!
Even our instructor say we Singaporeans are really to ourselves,don't really dare to interact one.

Wah one week has passed just like that,quite fast actually,but the things are quite repeated.
I got to study so much tomorrow,a lot of things I don't understand at all.
If I don't study,Monday I will totally get scolded until I vomit foam.

Cya!
Pizza for dinner!! Whoopee.

The Day Before I Leave

2006-08-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

It's almost midnight and I'm still half-packed.
I bought 3 books!
I still got a lot of things to do.
But I'm lazy to do it.
I realised now I feel better.
I talked to a fellow trainee just now on the phone.
And I realised he's gonna be a friend I will make on this adventure.
In every phase of your life,whatever you do,you always get something out of it.
Especially friends.
In BMT,I made a lot of interesting friends.
This guy has the same mentality as me.

One of my books is To Kill A Mockingbird.
Its only 8 bucks.
A classic book,I hope I will learn things from it.
The other two are the ones I had wanted to buy for some time already.

I'm having super duper mixed emotions right now.
I feel happy yet sad,fired up yet tired,at peace yet aggressive.
Too many quite negative things happening in my life has made me think about who I am.
But I know I will grow from it,become a better person,I know I can overcome it.
The emotions,the confusion,the unbelieveable feeling of anxiety.
But yet,I feel so darn ok.
There would always never be a smooth sailing ride.
Again,I've come to the rough seas.
If I conquer it,I'm a legend.
If I fail,I won't drown,I will fight.

I have been judging myself too much I guess.
Was I an ass? Was I a self-centred bitch?
Was I ever nice? Was I ever sentimental?
Was I cold-blooded?
Did I become a person I never was?
But all those thinkings came to naught.
It's useless.

I think I'm a person deeply interested in philosophy.
I think a lot. Human behaviours too.
Just now I was at Borders,I realised I was at the Philosphy section the longest time,trying to find a book that would change my life.
I didn't find it.
But needing a book to change your life is pathetic anyways.

I would be back to who I am when I am not confused anymore.
I realised negligience is the worst feeling.
I realised people won't fuck care about you when you accept everything.
I realised you can never defeat people if you become too nice.
I realised that when things slip away,the more helpless you get,the more you gotta accept what is present in front of you.
I realised emptiness is when silence makes a sound.

I'm leaving,actually I'm quite glad I am.
Australia here I come.
I will miss everyone who cared.
I will miss you babe.
Will try to blog there.

Goodbye. Hope it's really good.

The National Day

2006-08-09T14:14:00.000+08:00

Oh yea,

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE!

You will always be the best place to live in.
My home forever.
Let me give you a birthday kiss.

*MUACKS*

The Plane

2006-08-09T13:58:00.000+08:00

I'm leaving in 4 damn days.

So fast huh. I thought I was still slacking and slacking and,woo! Here I am,adjusting to the fact that I had to go.

It's a choice I made. An alternative path I've chosen to challenge myself with.
Pre-leaving,I already learnt things about life's struggles that I would never learn if I had not taken up this stint.

I still remember a person telling us that before we leave,we should sort out everything in our life,so we can enjoy ourselves there,no baggage.
Taking this into consideration,yea,I have sorted out stuffs,especially the one with babe.

It seems like wanting to achieve something is always a struggle. There's no shortcut to success.
I read a newspaper article a month ago about this guy who turned into a millionaire when he was 14.
His quote inspires me :"Comfort is the enemy of achievement."
I will always put that in my mind. I hope I don't forget it.

Now I'm going to buy the necessities. Not too many things. In case I fail,the losses won't be so drastic.
Maybe the lack of humour in my life now is due to me thinking about the task ahead of me.
Maybe I'm focused. Maybe I'm just not interested.
I think I will find out the answer when I get there.
If it's mine,it's mine,it won't run away,it's mine for the taking.
If it's not,then KFC's mine.

I look at the badge. I felt honoured. Thankful that I got this chance.
I will kiss the badge.
I will come back to Singapore dignified,knowing at least I tried.
The food there.

The Only Road

2006-08-06T20:25:00.000+08:00

A very boring weekend indeed.
But I managed to get a new prized possession for myself!
A Sony NW-A1000!
Finally!
I want to clear my computer of songs,all would go in there.

1 more week and I will be going on a holiday for a month.
Looking forward to it,like a sense of excitement plus uncertainty all rolled into one.
Like bungee jumping.

I cut my hair! HENG ah. This barber is better than the other bedok ass. At least he understands what I mean. Never abuse my hair.

A roller coaster of emotions I experienced these past weeks seems to have disappeared after a very very steep section on the coaster.
But yet,I feel quite tired.
Not emotionally lar, is wanna sleep tired.
Yesterday never sleep enough.

National Day is coming.
I still remember this particular National Day where my family gathered for a BBQ.
I don't know why. Maybe that day was a memorable gathering.
Everyone had fun and stuff.

Watch out for the F-16s. Wayyy cool.

The Peace Of Mind

2006-08-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

I wonder how I could do it all. It's really amazing how the loss of teenhood and the rapid incoming wave of semi-adulthood can make me think so much.
Each day,I have some new analogy to think about.
Each day,I wonder if up to this point of time,the life-altering decisions I made before were really right.
Each day,I asked myself what I really wanted in life,what I really look for in life,what I really want to pursue as a person and what kind of person I want to be.

Saw Pharrell William's new solo album. He's the guy who produces hits like Drop It Like It's Hot and I'm A Slave 4 U.
I found a very interesting quote at the back of the album.
There it wrote(something like that):"Wealth is of the heart and mind. Not the pocket."
This sounds so darn true.
A quote could never sound so right.

Talking to many different people these past weeks has made me feel rather confused.
Some people I talked to,they are really capable,leadership qualities,responsible,mature and most importantly,gets things done.
But other than doing the task at hand,they rarely can talk about anything else. All they talk about is work work work. They focused so much to the point of not having other topics to talk about. No fun,whatsoever. I suddenly wonder if that was the kind of person I want to be.

Yet some are interesting,talk funny and has a lot of things to share,but are not necessarily those who can get things done and not the person you would like to go to when you encounter a big problem with the task at hand.
But they are fun to hang out with,have a good sense of humour and knows some interesting stuffs.

It's important to be warm and not cold,not be too driven to succeed.
Difficult to explain,yea,we all need to be driven to succeed. But there's always a limit.
I don't want the ferocity of wanting to achieve so much that I lost myself.
If that's the case,I'd rather find back myself.

I wonder why I wrote this post,it's just a thinking that flew by my mind I think.

The Angst

2006-07-29T12:44:00.000+08:00

Not the best of periods to feel shitty huh.
But I am. It's taking a toll on me. Yet nobody understands.
I'm starting to feel this low surge of confidence.

When you feel this way,your head always feels this potentical headache coming,like the veins on your head are damn tight and you keep thinking about a lot of things,which makes things worst.

It's worst than BMT I gotta admit.
I'm starting to feel really numb,bored,sian,tired of all the excuses,demands of being a 19 year old.
It's a struggle really.

I did feel better after clicking better with my mates,cause they didnt talk about the game about potions and wizardry.
Instead,we talk about girls,relationships and each other's opinions.
Isn't that better?

Was feeling better then worst late at night yesterday.
Is the stress coming to me?
Call me paranoid,but everyone's had this kinds of periods in their life.

Being unsure,unwanted,undeserving and being showed a lack of understanding.

I went to NUH to have dental X-ray yesterday.
And when I saw NUS,I suddenly miss studying so much.

As one grows up,the demands get higher and higher.
You need to know everything. You suddenly miss the good ol' secondary school days.
Where you can afford to not study and still quite make it at the end.
Where you will just play afool in school and do stupid things and be carefree and fun.
I suddenly miss the fun.

I suddenly wonder which side of the page should I be on.
I got to admit the end of innocence is coming at me.
Responsibility comes pouncing on you,making you break into cold sweat.
It's this period that tests your maturity the most.

I guess I just needed a wise person to talk to.
To tell me what's wrong,what can be done.
Tell me it's normal.

All I can do now is sigh..
I know I will feel better soon.

The G-force

2006-07-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered if a small little decision you made could produce a big change in your life?

I experienced that today. Been thinking a lot these few days. Don't know whether too much spare time or what,but really sets me thinking.

Two decisions. I wonder if I'm right.

And sometimes,I feel so by myself. Like a solitary warrior.
Nothing can make me feel better.
Like life's gonna make you work extra hard for things you don't know if you really wanted.
I will,but if I do fail,don't blame me,it's not within my ability.

The regimental way of life irks me.
The people who keeps reminding me to behave till the point of irritance irks me even more.
Like as if the way they behave are the real them. Being fake is the worst thing a person can be. So fuck off.
Not to mention the 'people' were coincidentally the ones who play the generation-gene-altering online game.
Bloody irritating.
I will raise a bloody onslaught if I could. But I won't.
The uncertainty is enough to keep me busy.
I always thought "Get A Life" slogan was very very copycat.
But people could really make good use of that.

Bad choice or what? Whatever choice.. I'm going for it.
Behave? I'm naughty. Spank me and I will consider.

The Ever-changing Demands Of Society

2006-07-25T21:37:00.000+08:00

Hello everybody. This is Mr Oddball here.
He's here to tell everyone how he feels about the ever changing demands of society.

In these few weeks,I've been realising this very very obvious demand in society.
Which I do not have and is feeling super left out.
I feel I'm a weird person sometimes.
I feel it is such an essential component in society cos' simply,every soldier around me,with an A level cert,is talking about it so vividly and happily,spending close to hours improving this demand.
I feel I'm useless,unable to understand this demand. Or execute it.
Worse still,I don't even have one single bit of interest in it.
I feel it will take up my time. So I have never ever tried to pursue this demand.
I also do not want to waste my money.
So,what's the demand?
Very simple.

DOTA.

What's that? Hmm.. good question. I really don't know.
I don't play it. I don't know anything. I only know it's an online game fresh out of Warcraft 3.
I don't know whether it's me having no life not playing it or is it the people playing it having no life.
It really is very subjective.
It's also quite frustrating when humans can talk about issues like showing concern for each other,what's going on with their lives to improving each other etc.
Yet,they talk about what spells works the best. What hero to use. What banana-what-the-fuck-are-they-talking-about things,hell I don't know. And floating in cyber world.
We're becoming an ancient society.
I may want to turn into an elf.

I really question myself,especially today,whether I'm really not acting my age(which is 19 btw).
Whether I really should pick it up.
But,as I am writing this,the more I feel I shouldn't.
The more I feel what the fuck for.
I shouldn't.
I know myself.
But yet everyday,for at least a few minutes,I ask myself...

Am I an oddball?

The Last Day

2006-07-22T23:06:00.000+08:00

Next monday is officially my last day at CMPB.
Will miss those days there again.

It's kinda funny how you will miss everything when you get away from some place.
Like when I was in Tekong,I was like,oh fuck it,I can't wait to get out.
But once I got out of the island,I actually miss all my bunkmates and the bunk and the outfield.
The cookhouse food too. Although its always repeated.

The CMPB people are nice.
All the DXAs(HR people) are those that like to dress up and gossip and have fun people.
So its nice.
My fellow privates there are also a bunch of funny guys.
Although all too many play this generation-altering game named DOTA,which I have never played.
They display this sort of unity by sleeping on their respective desks.
I once slept for a straight 2 hours,even had some dreams.

Everywhere I go,I have new nicknames.
JC:Raccoon.
BMT:Puffy.
CMPB: GATTUSO
This is by far the best nickname! Gattuso is an Italian first-team player.
I think they forgot my name. They keep calling me that.
Mondays Wednesdays Fridays were my favourite days as I get to play street soccer.
So call me Gattuso k. I like the name.

And wtf,go anywhere also kena suan fat. Proved my fitness also stil kena suanned.
Especially this particular lame dude,I even ask him whether he have no topic to talk to me is it.

Which leads me to think whether not having a temper and being so childish all the time does any good at all.
Actually,nothing to think,cause I don't mind any insults or criticisms.
I have two ears. And the world has a Barney.
"Insults that makes sense"----->Ear 1----->Brain
"Insults that makes Barney"---->Ear 1 -----> Ear 2

So being happy-go-lucky is good after all. =)
Being too ambitious is so not fun.
This guy from my place,he was from a jc soccer team first team.
Everytime play soccer wanna like challenge me,play until damn serious. Every time tackle his ball can hear him "Tsk".
There was once I lobang him then he damn angry!
His team attack next then he shoot out he actually shouted "Ahhh!"! Hahaha!
Nanny Nanny Poo Poo!

Football has definitely been a huge part of my life since I was 6.
I hope I have the same enthusiasm years from now.

Another enthusiasm has just came back from her camp!
That's my babe! How I miss her =(
She's sick after coming back and she slept for a massive record amount of hours with her Hp no batt!
I was worried like Barney..I started to turn purple and have a green belly and I asked kids in the streets to touch me. Tenderly. Then I stroke BJ's head.
But she's better now =)
But she's not free tomorrow =(
But I got match tomorrow =)
But I am gaining weight =(

Alright! Everyone going to uni! Good Luck! Work Hard!
To all the guys in xiong units,don't give up!
There's always light at the end of the tunnel!
Unless your seargeant block the light.

Goodbye! Ho ho ho!

The Pai Kah & Fighting To Lose

2006-07-14T23:45:00.001+08:00

Today I played 4 hours straight of football.
2 hours court. 2 hours field.

My knees cannot make it. My left knee is hurting. I'm walking with a limp now.

And what's funny is on the pitch.
In typical CUTE un-Singaporean manner,those rich kids playing against my cousin(and his friends) and I actually wanted to pick a fight.
WHY you may ask.

My cousin got the stick first.
He actually caught Flower's leg. But in football terms,it was a clean tackle.
Flower(one of the rich kids) actually was using his finger to point at my cousin,wanting to fight.
My cousin actually rebuke back,wanting more than anything else to kick his fragrant ass. Hole.
Ok. Pulled apart. Ok. Settled.

Then my turn.
As I was damn shagged from playing with my army friends on the court an hour earlier,I opted to be Sweeper. Defender if don't get it.
Ok every attack,I stifle.
Every tackle,clean.
Every fast break,I counter.
The fact is that as the game went on,the rough Rich Kids Football Club gets more and more xialan,I get better and better AND better.
I hate xialan people.

The frustration of not being able to breach our defences has taken its toll on them. They started roughing it out.
But I don't care. I just want to play.
So I seek to conquer.
Embarass them. Make them chase me like mad dogs. I want them to try kicking my leg. I made them miss.
Fun.
Then one tackle I made wasn't clean.
Flower came up to me with Lily(another rich kid) and wants to fight EH.

Flower scolded:"Pompang noni peepee hartololololo juju markronkronpop? Kopascartioju Bombiubiubiubiubiubiubarley? JAODMASJSFDADJ!!"

Lily continued angrily:"MA? MA? MA? WOOF!"

I simply said:"I didn't mean it. I didn't come here to fight. I came here to play football. Sorry."
They walked away. Beautiful flowers.

Gay? Sissy? No. That's me.
Fighting is single-handedly the worst way to solve ANY problems.
One has to give in. The game has to go on. I want to continue.
I'm oldddd.... I shouldn't act like I'm not.
So I said sorry.

Lily actually came up to me 10 mins after the incident to shake my hand and say sorry.
Flower asked my cousin and me whether we're interested to join their Rich Kids Football Club cum Florists not long afterwards.
I don't wanna be a Rose.

Me:"I tell you,what's important is not whether you say sorry or not,is whether you win the match."

Cousin:"Ya lor. It takes more than a man to say sorry."

I can't believe my cousin said that.

Then I found out those rich kids were actually 18 yrs old(Gasp!).
Yet acting like whatever.(which is my most hated word,and yea,they act like what I hate)

Apart from learning that my cousin learnt a new idiom today,I also learnt that I shouldn't let things go to my head.
I should be nice. Be understanding.
I can be cheeky in the way I play football,but I need to respect people before they respect me.
I need to have a clear mind,so I will have a clear conscience.
Other people act retarded doesn't mean I have to follow.
I don't sell flowers.

I got the respect I want in the end.
And that brings better satisfaction than winning itself.

And 18 years old wanting to pick up a fight?
They must be Yo-Han's cousins.
MA?

The New Hot

2006-07-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

2 posts in a space on a few hours?
Nah.
Just hear to tell everyone that there's this new hip hop female artist who rocks.

Her name is Jeannie Ortega. She's 20.
Why do I say she rocks?
Cos her first single rocks.

The single is "Crowded".
Think a lot of people have heard it on radio but don't know who the hell came up with such a darn good song.

It's her. She wrote it somemore.
Go listen to it.

You listen you will imagine two hip hop dancers battling it out on the dancefloor with this song,with the crowd circling them.

Very nice. I like.
I don't know why I intro her.
But I have a good feeling she's genuinely good.
And she looks like Maggie Q+Michelle Branch. (in my opinion)

Bye Bye! Please Please!! Listen!

The Jump That Did Not Land

2006-07-11T20:39:00.000+08:00

Today,I went on an adventure that was so unparalleled...

The view was spectacular...

I feel so light for once...

Yet at the same time,helpless...

Which causes fear...

Fear and excitement all rolled into one....

Cold sweat,I could feel on my forehead...

This experience is out of this world...

Better than eating Chicken Chop...

I love Chicken Chop...

But it's better than Chicken Chop...

Maybe worst than Fried Wanton...

The emotions,I can't describe...

This makes me want it even more.

The Sleep

2006-07-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

This few weeks I've been getting the most minimal sleep ever.
I actually had hallucinations.
For instance,I look in the mirror and the reflection I saw was a fat me,that was one helluva hallucination man.
Although I can't shake it off till today,I'm sure after getting proper sleep after the World Cup,the hallucinations will go away.

I am very very very tired.
But the final is later.

Forza Italia!

Bye..

The Square Ring

2006-06-29T00:30:00.000+08:00

Every fat kid loves wrestling.
I LOVE wrestling.

Today,I watch WWE:Raw and am so so so thrilled to find out Degeneration-X,the super duper cult wrestling group of the 90s,is back!
HBK and The Game are united again!
They got TWO WORDS for ya!
Shall not say the two words though.
They are the super group,ask any wrestling hippie about D-X and they will say the two words and do their trademark stance.

The reformation of D-X sure made me reminisce(spelt correct?).
I was a really fat bloke during primary school and I also like Ultraman.
Coincidentally,Ultraman and wrestlers both wear very tight clothing.
Which leads to me wearing tight clothing as well.
Oh ya,I was an big time X-men and Spiderman cartoon fan as well.

And when my cousin comes over to stay,who coincidentally is also a wrestling fan but he was skinny,I would slam him here and there,executing finishing moves like nobody's business.
Sometimes he even cried cause of accidents. I bet he must be thinking what he has done to deserve that kind of treatment.
Then when I pin him,1,2,3,I would celebrate and think I win WWE title.
While my cousin lie in agony.

Well,this week has been a rather peaceful week. Except one thing that happened which happen to be kinda happy yet sad at the same time but shall not elaborate on it. People who happen to know,please,shh. I trust you all. Especially babe ah! Shh ah!

Today I got nothing much to say,just that there's no WC today and I can't sleep.

I shall eat vegetarian food tomorrow and chendol!
Say no to diet and yes to food!
I love food!

Goodnight!

The Same Old Sunday

2006-06-25T16:29:00.000+08:00

I finally finished Full House.
Its so frigging frigging nice!
I want to watch it again!
I may sound damn gay but it's darn sweet the show,start to the end,and it's pretty funny.
I want to watch it again!
Wonder if there's any other nice korean shows which are of this kinda content one.
I want to watch it again!
Go and buy and kill time.
I want to watch it again!

Underoath's cd is in my hands now.. HAHAHA.. Thanks babe for helping me buy! I think the HMV cashier see her face sure feel quite weird why she listen to Underoath one.
It's so heavy man the record. Blows my mind.

I want to watch it again!

I'm always bored on a Sunday afternoon. It has always been the case since Sec Sch man.
Except last time I play soccer all the time.
Oh yes,I used to play soccer EVERYDAY during sec 1 and 2.
I play soccer everyday when I was in Pri Sch. I would play from 1 to 530..
Then everyday go home leg damn sore still have to walk home.
I remembered we used to play with cans when we are in lower Primary.
Those hardcore uber hard tin cans.
I remember my soccer buddy shoot one shot and the keeper tried to save it,the can hit his head damn hard with a "TONG" sound instead and he was wailing so loudly and there was this big baluku on his head. I think quite funny.
I was the usual Primary Sch kid man,always playing Magic The Gathering and watching wrestling and playing soccer and buying ice sticks and reading comics.

I remembered everyone was crazy about this Street Fighter comics which went to an amazing 120+ episodes. 1 copy of the comic is one episode and each cost $3.50.
The stupid things like us Pri Sch kids do:Almost each of us bought one copy.
Stupid right. Maybe at that point of time Teacher haven't teach us the word "share" yet.

Then there was once I had this shiny Magic card and there was this lame Magic book which lists all the card's price and I sold the bloody card for a staggering 25 bucks.
I got the card when I bought this expansion pack worth $3.50 with 10 cards(forgot) in it.
I think I stupidly use the 25 bucks to buy more packs and ended up broke again with lots of cards with me,in the end in which my mom threw all away and I couldn't care less.

Oh yes,I play Yoyo also. There was this Pro-Yo II or whatever. Then everytime play until injured. Cause the yoyo very fast then everytime hit here hit there. Then they sell the yoyo string so fucking ex. It's just a BLOODY string. Oh my. Naive me.
I remember there's this lame shithead who's a yoyo pro and wear shades then with a nerddork face from USA.
The ad I remember with him inside he was shoving his whole stupid face in front of the camera.
He's really a nerd.
Everyone like treat him like the King.
Like "WOAH" when he show off his freaky zeaky yoyo moves. wah wah wah.
I think he's probably a manager in a top company with lots of franchise worldwide,in the States now.

He's probably a floor manager at Macdonald's.

And I remembered in Primary 1 everyone always compete who wrote this bloody "Xi Zi" book faster finish. Then the winner always give this "I have cheetah hands sucka! You all are snails!" face and smugly hand in giving that stern focused face as if just won marathon.
Then hand up. Then can hear cricket sound. cause nothing happened. No prize no nothing. Hand up teacher say "Good" then the winner walk back the lonely route to sit and tou da bian in remorse.
Can't believe I actually competed. But I never won before.
I think the teacher must be having a bloody hard time trying to decipher what the fuck we are actually writing.

Wah actually Pri Sch a lot of funny shit happen.
Haha see if I can think more.
This entry is too long.
Shall stop here.

Goodbye!

The Office

2006-06-24T02:00:00.000+08:00

So,the first week in the office for me and many more weeks to come.

Well,been keeping myself busy by reading loads and loads of Teenage,8Days and LIME magazines,even if they're outdated as far back as 1 year ago..
And I also brought my sleep-inducing Blink! book. Almost to half le. Heng..

Teenage sometimes the readers write to the counsellor damn funny.
Where got people ask counsellor "other people's breast are bigger than mine but I only seem to have very big nipples" de?
How to solve? Use scissors trim lor. Or use buffer buff become smaller lor. Or very easy,try to adjust to the imaginary fact that your nipples are actually your breasts and you have black breast and no nipples. Now that is a better question to ask the counsellor.("Why I have no nipples")
Funny how such questions are asked.
Why not ask counsellor why my nasi lemak the fish so many bones but the egg no shell?
Why not ask why Ghana can beat Czech Republic? I also want to ask.
Ask how can turn your nose upside down so you can test-try the scintillating effect of pouring water into your nose easier lar.

Now I'm always reading,reading and reading. It's somehow good cause I've always been a half-fuck reader for the past 5 years. Great period to read.
But then I always fall asleep while reading.
And I have this very very amazing skill in which I am actually able to read the words on the book while sleeping with eyes half-closed.
It's true! Actually know the words while my mind is totally dozing off.

And there are sports days where I can play soccer! Ain't that fabulooooussss!

Oh yes! Tomorrow I'm trying my luck to see if underoath's latest cd is snapped up or not.
Heard it's $20.95!
By the way,their new single totally rocks my ass off the chair.
If no more, then buy AFI le.

I'm also beginning to enjoy my Angels&Airwaves. Especially the songs "Valkyrie Missile" and "Do It For Me Now".
"Do It For Me Now" is my favourite on the album I guess.

Oh! Shakira's Hips Don't Lie video is still my fav video. In love with it ever since I saw it damn long ago.
She's amazing in her way that she tosses her hips. Gotta see it to believe it.
How does she control her body movements so well?
Especially the part when the song is at the line "Reading the signs of my body!"
Then the beat tempo will go faster and her hips actually follows the tempo and moves up in such a way I can't explain! HOT!
Gotta see it to believe it.
Although her voice sounds like got one big jelly chunk of phlegm stuck in her throat,her moves are solid.

Rihanna hot too. But she dance only dance one pattern like when you catch prawn out of the water,the way they move is the way Rihanna dance. Not seasoned performer yet lar I think.
But SOS is nice.

I miss my BMT friends man.. so much fun with them around. Hope more saturday morning soccer sessions!
Then more night outings where everyone goes berserk!
Hope keep in touch...

It's the weekends again. I'm so so sooooo finishing Full House.

Everyone,have a brilliant weekend. Yum-Seng. Cheers. Bon Voyage. Buena Vista. Commonwealth. Tanjong Pagar. Cherry Cherry Lom Jiam Pas.

Sayonara(Is that goodbye in Jap? Shit hell I don't know)!

The Crave

2006-06-18T15:40:00.000+08:00

Wow,what an odd Sunday.
It's actually not sunny.

I have this very sudden urge to play football.
I'm actually using one hand to hold down my right leg before I heel my own balls.

It's frustrating when no one is free. I really really,really want to play football!

And I want to eat Seoul Garden.. I don't know why also..

The Posting

2006-06-16T12:41:00.000+08:00

"HAHAHAHAHAHA"
This is what I sent babe when I saw my posting..
It's actually a blessing..quite an envy among most NSFs.. But somehow deep deep deep in my heart,I just feel a bit of sayang I never get SISPEC.
But its ok! I like this vocation.. HAHAHAHAHA..
8 to 5... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Slack...HAHAHAHAHA
Same place as Damien..HAHAHAHAHA..
No more PTI.. =( this is the saddest part only..SOBSOBSOBSOB..

Most of my friends also not SISPEC..almost half went to some men vocation I never heard before..

Best thing is my vocation is also not a men vocation..
It's a vocation whereby you wait,wait and wait. I love waiting. MRT train come I don't want to take. I want to WAIT for the next one. HAHAHAHA.

Ok so I guess I won't be going to the jungle and cheong sua anymore? I donno. This 8 to 5 thing is until September.. If by that time post me to SISPEC.. I don't mind. But is not JC batch..sihbei weird.
I still miss the days of field camp in BMT though it sucks.

Well I dono what the future holds for me. But this will eat up another 3 mths of my NS life. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Total 5 months . Xing Nian Kuai Le Wan Shi Ru Yi Dong Dong Dong Dong Qiang!

Quite hyper.. Cause quite funny..

I can watch the whole world cup. It's unbelievable. Really.
I will go to CMPB like a zombie everyday.

And what's best is I can keep babe company till she goes Uni.

Okayyy. Hahaha...
But I will need more cash. Dammit. I think I need to work banquet on weekends again.

I think I should work out more. Very fat now. Shall try to run later.

Hip hip hooray.

Bye..

The Whee Hee Hee

2006-06-15T15:12:00.000+08:00

World Cup has totally swallowed my attention right now.
This post is ALL World Cup.

Been watching most of the matches,well I did not watch Germany-Poland and Saudi-Tunisia(not interested),but I did watch Spain.
Finally,a smart coach.
This time,no Raul but a whole lot more pace.
Spain has always been that technical snail..damn skillful but no pace.
In the modern game,pace and power somehow rules(eg. Rooney),so Garcia,Villa and Torres lead the front. Great. But in any given day I would omit Garcia and put in Vicente.
Where's my man Joaquin by the way?
It's amazing how Spain has such a great squad. This year it's more frightening.
To have a bench with Raul and Albelda? Damn.
Senna is such a surprise. He brought a whole new dimension to the midfield.
He brought aggression to the midfield when he ousted "I'm-so-tired-Post-season"Baraja from the first team.
Defence also solid. Puyol and the classy Pablo. Wow. Good team.
Though Italy and Brazil are my teams this WC,Spain seems to be up there with the consistent and efficient Czechs. Argentina too. Hope Messi plays against the Serbs.
Netherlands? Nah. Germany? Gah.

The heat seems to be the worst opposition of most European teams.
Kewell was literally walking 90 minutes and he seems to be having hallucinations as I don't know who he was passing to. Damn jialat.
Yesterday Ukraine got it too. I don't know whether Ukraine want to qualify for next WC because it's in Africa. I think they would boycott the qualifiers.
Later all leopard crawl on the field.

Ok,not all world cup.
Yesterday I went babe's house to watch full house again! Can't seem to ever finish the damn vcd. Haa.
But it's always nice relaxing and slacking with her. (cos she always gimmi lots of food to eat.)

And ok,I bought Angels and Airwaves. Not bad to say the least. But every song has like very little choruses. The lyrics is like an essay.
My next album? AFI's decemberundergound. That surely has to put my big fat ass on pure grill.

Well,I'm coming to the end of my block leave.
But I don't feel as much sadness as enlistment.
Is it because I'm a soulja now?
Nah. Just got used to it.
Tomoro's the posting results. Fingers crossed. Don't give me THAT vocation.

And hell,I've been farting so much these days. I think I can replace "Hello" when seeing people I know to one fart.
I'm a lean mean farting machine.

Alright,getting ready to kick some ball finally.
Bye!

The Holi-Holi-Holidays!

2006-06-09T11:52:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm back UP on earth again.
It's an amazing amazing feeling,so free so free like a birdie.
Gotta be really busy as there will be trips,gatherings and baby and dinner at home! I don't want to miss dinner at home.

Oh yea I went to Kublai Khan to eat. It's the worst ever. It's like a sushi bar,food very cold,waitress spill chilli(almost on my precious shoe) and the whole place just gives me a feeling that it's not just a buffet restaurant. It feels like a Black Stall,if you get what I mean.
And the so-called famous mongolian bbq meat is just.....seoul garden lor.

Well now I'm bloody at home and I have nothing to do,it's raining and I can't get food,today is the start of WC2006,but the matches suck,but still watching the opening though!

Well I'm actually loving the botak head. Cause it's so easy to manage,no need to gel,last time I gel until my face so bloody oily,kinda uncomfortable,now the hair look like Brad Pitt! Not the face though.
And it so-called makes me look tough.
Heard some girls have this fetish for NS boys.
Like what the heck,we're always smelly,full of sweat,every week recycle shirt to wear,eat tidbits never brush teeth,abrasions so many,pimples popping...very hot meh..weather very hot lar hor..

And not all NS guys are tough man,my company alone have numerous wusses liao. Everyday kena fuck,kena fuck already fucked again,fucked two times then rest,then fucked again,unstoppable fucks man.
Somehow it's good,cause I can sit there and watch and no need to do things.

Well I'm getting pretty hungry now,shall brave through the rain and go and eat.

Bye!!

The POP

2006-06-04T15:43:00.000+08:00

POP! POP! POP! Wahahahaha!
The day I've been waiting for since Day One. Really,the first minute of day one.
Well Guard Duty is on the 16th. So I can relax for a while first before going to my next vocation.
Don't know what I will get though,just hope that vocation can let me watch World Cup!

OH YA,World Cup is here..my third WC already.
Brazil or Italy is gonna win this! Really! If never win Singapore will change shirt sponsor.

Ok,back to my POP.
It've been a whole bloody 9 weeks. What an adventure.
I've learnt a lot of things.
I've never sweated so much in my life. Imagine running around in the hot sun in long sleeve army clothing.
I also realised I don't like martial arts.
I have been a fucking introvert the first week in camp,but I've learnt to accept what is given to me and now I think I have the best section mates around.
It's been tough for me mentally,physically it's quite no kick as I have the base already although I enlisted with a bulging belly and loads of lard.
Which I am beginning to disintegrate back into again. (eating Bak Chang with Lay's now.)
Today time went back damn fast,I don't know why. It's 4 bloody pm now,last book in!
Last Noodle Party,Last 0530 in Tekong,maybe the very last week I'll see the friends who went through hell with me.

Of course,nothing's for free,want to pass out must give you xiong stuff.
24km road march was damn good. But the best part was the 16-20km where we sang any songs we could think of.
A lot of Jay buffs in my platoon,so a lot of Jay songs,lucky I know.
Also got blink-182,backstreet boys,Britney,Trademark and hell lot more,all those timeless ones.
The satisfaction. Ahh. Blisters on the sole of the feet.Comparable to when I finish field camp. The accomplishment of being able to finish what you ought to finish.

5 more rehearsals and I'm done. Ready to take all the memories together with SBO,helmet and Duffel bag with me to my next destination......
.
.
.
TIOMAN. Oh man....
Shiok ah!

BIRTHDAY coming soon too.

Time for last book in!
Shall enjoy the last 2 days with my friends.
Good. Good. Bye.

The Last Week

2006-05-28T16:06:00.000+08:00

One more week to POP..
Well it's definitely a great experience in BMT.
Something I will definitely remember.
At the start,it all sucks,everything,every night I lie on my bed and look at the ceiling I can feel the tears going to come out.

I still remember the first day when I enlist,feeling so lost and everything,as I see my loved ones going off,I just feel so so sad.

But as the days went by,I felt better,though sometimes I still feel like shit.
It's the friends that keep you going,cause you have no one to depend on except them.
I'm glad I have the best section mates around.

I'm also happy I got Gold for IPPT.
So scared I won't get. Cause my 2.4km I scared won't get below 9.45...
Because I eat a lot of junk the week before.

Well,I'm leaving Tekong soon,maybe I will miss the place,but I will definitely miss the experience..memorable time man..

My second last book-in in a few hours time! I must enjoy this week,don't want to sleep liao.

I always fall asleep when I watch Full House,because I'm always tired.
Hai,I must watch during the day liao,don't watch midnight already.

Da Vinci Code is not bad,I can feel the controversy..Well,it's all up to people to decide what they believe in. Dan Brown's novel is fiction man. Stick to it. My friends also always say I fat but I also know it's fictional mah. So yar...
Anyway the way the story clicks is damn good what,whether talking cock or not,it's still another book.
My bunkmates are fascinated by the book I brought in,Blink by Malcolm Gladwell,one of them borrow for the weekend,I haven't even read half of the book,but it's a good book. I know when I finish reading it,I will learn something new.

Next week hope damn slack,then can slack in the bunk.
I think my mind is always tuning to suit my life.
Now resting in bunk is already such a luxury.
Last time when I was working,I even complain very sian.
What the hell,spoilt bastard,wake up your fucking idea.

Another 20++ weeks I can have good life liao..Endure..
I shall buy PSP when I become Sgt. or Lifeguard.
Then knock my platoon down and hold it there then recount recount recount...
Then crunches change push up change jumping jack change.
If I'm Sgt.

This week will be the last week people calling me Puffy,
but I think I will bring this to my next vocation,it's easier.

Well Well Well,by the next entry,I will be damn happy already.
WOOOOOOOOOO!!

Zai Jian

The Sit Test

2006-05-21T14:45:00.000+08:00

It's another short weekend for me! Cause I just came back from this situational test which is considered extremely important if you want to go command school.
I think I just did what I could and not what I cannot.
Now it's up to their hands. I'm ok with both going and not going cause there are pros and cons to both.
And I'm glad I complete both the missions where I was IC and 2IC.

It'll be no weekend for me next week if I never saved myself this morning.
I actually lost this small rifle sling buckle.
And knowing the way my platoon works and the way PS works,I quickly go buy.
Take cab there and came back.
The buckle? $1
Cab fare altogether? $12.40
But it's enough I think.
Or else confinement will make me more bald.

Sit test is really a time whereby you will see all the wayang kias put on their wayang make-ups and wayang their fucking way trying to convince the officers they are good enough for OCS.
I beg to differ.
Some of them really very very wayang(btw,wayang means trying to create a person you are not,in this case,trying to act like a leader),and all the wayang people face machiam look the same one.
And when they wayang,they think they very kiang(smart).
TALK TALK AND TALK.

ONLY.
Then do never do. Always fail mission. Gam pui like that.
Suggestions given by wayang people always very complex and very geh kiang and will take damn long to do.
Do until so gang kor.
In the end fail.
Debrief always say the same thing. "Good team work,everyone try their best."
Ya ya ya, "Everyone try their best,except me,cause I only know how to use mouth,my hands useless,cannot move,mouth muscle very strong,hand no muscle."
Photocopy bastards.
Can say something else or not?
I think if they say "I think everyone of you look like tau sar piah and all of you got sesame on your heads" I also happy.
It's very meaningless to be someone else other than yourself.
Why try so hard?
Not up to it not up to it lar.
The most important thing is to be true to your conscience,and do whatever you are able to,not what you are not able to and screwing it up and give a cliche fucked up debrief.
I sit there listen same old thing also sian.
Well,all the anger pour out here.
Cause sit test very hot. Angry I think I will vomit lava.
Not as if not good enough armpit will grow more hair right.
But never mind,the important thing is,no more outfield at least for BMT,so its cool.

Well it's nearing the end of BMT. I don't know how it has changed me and how it has changed my perspective.
I hope I don't turn into those Siao-On kinda NSF.

I got my NTU letter! =)
Finally.
The course is a lot of intake one,so I guess everyone knows what it is huh.

Well 2 more weeks to POP,I guess I will miss my bunkmates,the experience. But I just can't wait to get out of there.

Shall pack my stuffs so Stand-by bed won't be so fucked up liao.

Song Hye Gyo very hot!

Hey babe,let's watch the Full House vcds next week again.
Don't spend so much money..I going to pock liao.

Alright,will be back in a weeks time.

Bye.

The Short Weekends

2006-05-14T01:36:00.000+08:00

The time in Tekong pass damn slow..
The time in Mainland pass fucking fast.
Sunday already.

It passes in a flash man.
But then...3 more weeks to POP. By then I will be free!

Watched MI:3.
Maggie Q is pure hotness.
Had recognised her as a beauty since secondary school.
Though her figure not that good,her face is really classic man.

I guess going to army has made me more serious and less stupid.
That's a bad thing.
My voice has changed! Thats worst! Now I sound like the Orcs from LOTR.

I got my course for NUS.
But I'm still waiting for NTU.
I want to go NTU.
Hope the letter comes.......

SIT test this week. Well I will just do my best and see what's the outcome.
I hope I don't screw up though I hate going outfield again. Sihbei dirty the feeling.

And yes! My nickname in army is Puffy.
I don't know why PS calls me that. Now all my platoon mates call me that.
Guess that's more convenient!
Cause my name is actually quite hard to pronounce.

I am going to stock up my snacks tomorrow.
Going to buy butter cookies,Oreo,cup noodles and lots of magazines!
I'm going to picnic!

Oh fuck. I forgot to buy prickly heat..damn screwed man.

Oh yes,I will not forget..please listen to RHCP's Stadium Arcadium..not album..as in that song..damn good..it chills me just listening to it. It sounds that zai.

Well,I'll be back in a weeks time again!
Damn,I'm so boring..I will fall asleep looking at myself in the mirror.

Bye!

The Wonderful Life

2006-05-11T22:28:00.000+08:00

I just booked out today. I went straight to White Sands Shopping Centre,the top-of-the-notch shopping centre in the Pasir Ris Region rivalled only by 7-Eleven beside it.

I cheong upstairs to get something damn important to me...

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS' STADIUM ARCADIUM..
As what I expected,it doesn't disappoint.
Rocks man..Listening to it now..
Their lyrics is "Hua Zhong You Hua" one..It's what makes their music one of a kind.

Well,yes I'm home again.
And well,my opinion has changed already.
After much thought these 4 days,I finally decided to do my best for BMT.
Because of much discussion with babe and full of taunting by the Sgts.
Well,PS said something which made me really stand up and take note.
HAVE PRIDE IN WHATEVER YOU DO.

I really don't know why one sentence can get stuck in my head for so long.
My PS,to be honest,isn't really a professional leader.
But that sentence just makes sense.
I don't know why this sentence sums up my lax attitude.
Actually I'm not really kanasai lar..
I always cheong for the Physical Training but those "Platoon Diam! Good morning Sgt ****!! Company at ease!" those bullshit I don't care one..I don't even raise up my hand to cheer one.

Today I was in an especially good mood.
Cause tomoro I get to play soccer.
I was really cranky until PS tell me to sing a stupid teapot song to the whole company.
And I did.
I don't know how come the usually shy me just fuck care and went ahead..Cause I think it's quite funny also.

Well,I miss everyone. Of course no need say one,I miss babe too.
Tomorrow is officially 3 and a half years for us..
It's gone by so quickly.
Babe,thank you for being with me throughout our growing up years!
I love you.
I'm sure we have a lot to learn and tolerate from each other for years to come.
Can't wait for Tioman.

Well,scarily,I'm beginning to settle into this army kinda life.
Maybe thats why my aim has also changed.
Well,a lil secret of mine is also that I was shortlisted for SAF lifeguard.
Sgt everyday suan me "Lifeguard,go SISPEC ah."
But then,now I want to go Command School.
Lifeguard shall be last resort.
I wanna face this head-to-head.
I don't wanna escape what most men went through already.
I don't wanna be a pussy.(like Platoon *)

Monday got Air Force Spec talk for me again.
I hope I can go there. No sign-on,I hope.

"I'm a little Tea Pot,
Short and Stout,
This is my handle and this is my stout!"

Blog tomoro.

The Book In Day

2006-05-07T17:59:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I blogged.
I've been away for field camp,and oh boy,am I glad I got out of it alive.
Actually it was quite ok,I expected it to be tougher,but the weather was kind to us,well,not so kind.
I expected it to rain like pee,but then the whole 6 out of 7 days of field camp was all full of sun,a few people kena heat stroke,especially first day.
Last day it rained.
Then I was so lucky again,I did the battle course first,before it rain,straight after I shout "Arti,Arti!" and ran towards the end point,it started raining.
Damn heng.

Well,shall not talk so much about what I did in field camp,but this experience has made me appreciate things so much more.
Going to army has become quite an experience,I learnt a few values that can't be taught by my friends,or parents,cause half the time children like us these days don't want to listen to parents seriously.
But it is all the cock-ups and stuff in army that teaches us to be responsible for ourselves,yet not being selfish.

Well,my stand of not going command school is still here.
I'm not that interested.
I only like challenging myself physically,SOC and stuff,but I don't like the life.
I want to do my own things.
I just want my happiness back.
Honour? Prestige?
Happiness please.

My Sgt ask me whether I want to spend two years of my life staring into space.
I didn't say no.
He said he wanna make sure I get into Sispec.
Sorry I don't want.

Well it will be another roller coaster 4 days!
lots of tekan-ing.

And I love to knock it down. I'm serious...

Babe,I love spending time with you while I'm out.
Ah,it just feels fantastic.

The best part of army is slimming down.
That's all.
And making friends.
And knock it down.

Yesterday we went to Wing Tong's bbq.
It was nice seeing all my friends again.

Come to army.
And you'll stop complaining how boring your life is.

Ok,booking in soon.
1 more month to POP...
Time kinda flies..
I remember the first day I enlist..feels damn sad.
First two days,I felt like crying.
First two weeks,I look up at the ceiling and think to myself what the fuck am I doing here.

Okay,this entry is pretty monotone..

See you,everyone,in 4 days time.
Ahh,nice one lar.

Bye!

The Violent Reluctance

2006-04-23T14:30:00.000+08:00

Finally I can chill at home for once.

I don't like the life now,but as much as I hated it,I still must go through it.
I salute the people who went through it.
This experience can really turn boys to men.

There are a lot of people going OOT,which means out of training,but I guess they exaggerated just to not get through it.
I have mixed feelings about how I want to be in camp,be it enthusiastic or totally fuck care.
I also don't know what am I working towards,as everyday is kinda so routinal and it's all waiting waiting and panicking panicking.

Being a sportsmen and a soldier is totally two different things.

I always try to be optimistic in what I do,this too,I stay cranky everyday.
I'm starting to think my bunkmates think I'm crazy hahaha.

The best thing is I cannot stand still one. Keep moving about in the file. Lucky commanders never see me,if not I get the whole platoon into trouble,I'm dead meat.

Somehow I miss the good ol' days.
Being able to do stupid stuff with my friends and babe and just being another normal teen walking down the streets of Orchard.
Now the word "teen" don't even sound right for me anymore.
Somehow I wish to be like Peter Pan,to never grow up,and to live in a world where everybody doesn't grow up.
What a struggle.
I gradually got used to the lifestyle,but sometimes before sleeping,I still ask myself why I have to do this.

My field camp is next week.
It's the single event I would most love to get it over with one.
If I finish field camp,I would be a happier person.

And yes! I can't seem to get enough sleep.
7 hours is so not enough. Plus half an hour is needed to drown into dreamland.
Shit I'm getting the Mellow Sickness already.
Feeling so sian everyday.
What should I do What should I do..
I guess I'll be happier in two weeks time.

And now when I walk on the streets,I can spot people who went through NS and those who haven't,don't know why,what an intuition.

I am so lethargic! Maybe go and get some sleep then it's book in time. Wow. ROCKS.

Baby! 2 weeks will go by quickly k.
I still miss you everyday,thats why commanders ask to do things sometimes I never listen.
See you! Love you like always...

Bye Bye Mainland..

The Army

2006-04-08T00:17:00.000+08:00

This is my last post before I go in army..

Babe,thanks for your company today.
I am gonna miss you so much.
We'll sing karaoke again when I come out k?
5 days very fast over de lar!

I wanna thank you for being the person who has been by my side these 3 and a half-nearing years. You've been my pillar of support and I hope I've also been yours.
You really have shown a lot more understanding as time went by and I'm very grateful for that.

I hope when I reservist,I'll also be writing this down to you. Haha..ask you cook spaghetti cause you only know how to cook that.
Then Spuppy will bite my boots.

Thanks for the treat today..although not filling but nice. Crystal Jade next time ah! My treat!

It's late and I've to sleep. Just finished talking on the phone with you.

I love you babe,more than I ever have. You're the sweetest thing.

Just now at the bus stop was pretty emotional huh..I will remember that vividly.
If I could hug you now,I would hug you forever man.

Wait for my call ok!Bought extra batteries already.

See ya folks.
Take care everyone.
Don't hate and don't fight,smile more and have fun.

The Home Coming!

2006-04-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

I am back in Singapore..
It's actually kinda happy and sad.

I kinda miss Singapore but I know I will miss Bangkok.

Kinda tired now,shall talk cock more tomorrow. Like always.

The Coming

2006-03-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

Hello. This shall be the last post before I go Bangkok.

I am the biggest procrastinator in this universe. I actually stared at this monitor for a good ol' 3 hours on the NTU admissions webbie thinking of what my 5 choices are.
Right till now I have chosen my 5 choices.
But then I'm still undecided.
The best reason wud be that I don't want to waste my very limited 5 choices.
I really want every choice to be actually taken into favour!
My first choice is very troubling..I feel like putting a sky high course so I maybe can crash through its gates and get in through sheer luck.
But on the other hand,I think I'm actually wasting a space.

What the hell should I do!
SMU seems to be getting lots of applicants...Hope thats the case,so I can go to NTU with ease!

I don't wanna apply again next year cause it's the Dragon year,the fire breath will burn me.

Not next next year right? Thats too old already...

I feel like I really really need to make a damn good decision now..I have one and a half more hours..Think..
I have 7 choices...I need to eliminate 2...

Hope I have a good trip. Shop Eat Shop! Shop Eat Eat! Shop Shop Eat!
Cya! Bye..

The Choice

2006-03-23T00:44:00.000+08:00

I wasn't considering SMU at all last time,but now I am.
Feel it's something different,plus the location's nearer.

Actually when you tally everything up,transport,hostel,tuition,in the end compare with SMU it's all roughly the same.

I think Engineering shall not be my first choices,shall go somewhere between the middle,the last resort is arts bah,my English has always been very tyco,so I guess if I get in I will drown in my sorrow there.

Somehow I kept thinking whether getting such a shitty grade will really determine how I will be in the future.
I certainly can't believe in every step of the education system,one wrong step would ruin your life,I certainly don't believe that.
It's like running a marathon,when you fall,you can't get first,feels kinda like that.
But somehow,I feel that when you fall in a marathon,you get up and you bear the pain and you run harder than before you fall,you still can make it to first,somehow it makes sense huh..

Went out with the WWE Tag Team Champions today... Nice seeing them,haven't been seeing them for a long time. Two of the group of real friends I made in jc. They sure buffed up already. Thanks for tolerating my insults and laughing it off. Been great knowing you two.

Thanks babe for being so understanding,love you! Go Bangkok I won't whine!

Actually people should be more open to criticisms and opinions.
It's more difficult to tell a person who's always sensitive about something and thinks that every word is targeting his/her personality,attitude,appearance and character.
Like,come on,everyone has flaws dude,it's better to know your own flaws than when people joke about how you are,you get paranoid,sensitive,angry and you give a gorilla face and roar like a beast and start somersaulting.All at the same time.It really makes the day sucky. Why not scratch my head and eat the dandruff.
This is an opinion though,I hardly met anybody like that.

My big flaw must be my height. Because a lot of people always suan me short. Got nothing else to suan me about. Short and Fat. I think it sounds well together.

Actually its really good when people insult you fat. That shows you are not.
I remember in Pri School,I was really Juggernaut fat,then I never hear a single person say that I'm fat.
Seriously because,I think fat people take things harder when they are insulted fat.
Serious,I've been fat before and I know the total psychological missile damage it does.
People are afraid of hurting you where it hurts the most,so they don't dare to cross the line.
So people won't dare to say you're fat when you're really fat. They kinda talk behind you and start calling you names like for instance, Cow,Lard Burger,Lipo gone wrong,Fast Food Mayhem,Over-healthy,PIG and then do that pig "hoorg-hoorg" sound.
When you jokingly say one day "I am fat.Hahaha" and the people around you grab both shoulders of the one beside them,form a circle and do toot-toot train around you,you know you're fat.
Time to tie up those shoe laces and start running.

And another thing is that ALL girls are fat. Psychologically.

There's this band named Jonas Brothers. They are like The Moffatts last time,except they're less gay. They are also very young but their music sounds cute and fast and punk.
"Mandy" is the first single. Cute chorus. Fast-paced and if you play it again and again,it can last you I think three days.
And the Hawthorne Heights video suck. Graphics suck. The lead vocalist must be joking to stand there and fake fake strum a guitar and look like an idiot. In fact the whole song he was doing that. He was strumming the guitar without changing any chords and he was lip-synching while the background music change.

Okay the World Cup is coming. Personally,I support Brazil. Ok,I'm not shallow. This is my fourth time watching World Cup. Every World Cup,I support Brazil and Italy.
Italy always left me disappointed. Loads of talent but always cock-up. Especially my favourite player Del Piero. ALWAYS cock-up. Play with Juve so cool then go World Cup wear diapers.
This is his last World Cup. Think he won't cock-up already.Plus,he's really handsome,do check him out. He's one of the world's most handsome footballers. Check out Fabio Cannavaro too. Handsome also.

Oh yes,Brazil. Football is in their blood. The way they play football is very enjoyable. Seeing them play is like there are no goalposts,they are just having fun among themselves,opponents can't catch them and they just know where everybody is.
Players to watch,aplenty,of course numero uno is Ronaldinho lar.
Robinho,Kaka,Adriano,Ronaldo. Yes,Emerson.
Their nicknames very cool hor,I wanna have a nickname leh..
During sec sch,they call me "Maradoughnut" in lower sec.
Maradona+Doughnut=Maradoughnut.
Maradona is the best-ever football player ever.

My idol growing up was Ronaldo. Your real idol will be the one where you hope he does well. Till today,with Ronaldo fat and unwanted at Real,I still hope he does well. Intelligent on the ball and off the ball,he's clearly a class above all strikers. He's understands football a lot. I idolise him like crazy when he was at Barcelona,copying everything.Better than Van Nistelrooy. Stand there wait bird shit fall on his head. Now stand too much on field Sir Alex let him sit instead lor,sit bench,wait sell fries uncle walk past buy fries and eat with the shit on his head. Munch Munch Munch.

Bye Bye...My thighs hurts...

The Run

2006-03-18T19:03:00.000+08:00

I just finished my running.. Very happy I'm back running again.. Was kinda worried all these months of not running will begin to eat my motivation up.

I ran the same route I ran for the past few years.. The one to East Coast Park..
Good news is I managed to finish it. A month ago,I tried running and I only finished halfway and I start to pant really hard and I stumble on the floor and I crawled back home.
But now it's different! I finished it!
I realised that time maybe it's because I tried to run too fast.
Now I run slowly... A pace I'm comfortable with..
Bad news is I finished that route in 45 mins..
During my canoeing days,I used to finish it in 30 mins...But I always reached home really really burned out. And my body was feeling really very hot.
I felt ok today,not too hot,not too cold,can eat already.
In the midst of my delight,there was a letter for me!
I opened it,it was NTU telling me to go Chemical Engineering talk!
I nicely placed it on the floor and chant my own brand of words of wisdom at it.

Shall rev up my physical fitness,heard from Benj there's not really any physical training inside,so want gold,must train.

I haven't seen some of my friends for awhile already,tomorrow my jc class is going steamboat...yay..Then I run for what...ta ma de..

Oh yes! My left big toe looks really pretty. It was stamped on by some uncle whom I was playing soccer with. It got blue black inside and then finally,the whole toe nail came off!
Now it has hardly any nails! Then grow a little bit!
Shirley say she see le want to puke! What a compliment! Yay!
The other big toe also got blue black. Two big toes without nails!
What a classic look...

Bye Bye! If JQ can run,so can you!

The New post in a New blogskin

2006-03-17T01:32:00.000+08:00

The trip seems to be generating questions from parents of all the people who's going. Including me. Well,I think that's normal. Considering the chaos and all the well-designed boards infront of the government house. From the looks of the scene in the papers,it really looks like a rock concert. Maybe they got the wrong picture and the picture is actually from an Oasis concert. Start headbanging and protesting!
"Since I'm so free and no one buys my kuehs,I shall headbang and protest!"
"Since the sun is good and the people are fun,I shall headbang and protest!Fun in the sun! By the way,what are we protesting about?"
"Since the takeover doesn't make my life any shitass different,I shall also headbang and protest!"
"Go Oasis! Headbang and protest! Rock and Roll Forever!!!Yea Yea! Rock it!!"
Pack your bags and get on with life please! If not I will be asked questions regarding the trip everyday! Protesting doesn't change anything!
The only thing it changes is the outcome of my trip! Settle this in a calm way!

Not as if me bullshitting here changes anything.

Shuying has slim down a lot. She looks more like Wonder Woman than Heffalump now.

I think some actors are really very very awesome. No,not the acting,but the face.
There's three I really envy. First is George Clooney minus 5 years.
Second is Matthew McCounaghey(wrong spelling I think). Ok,he's that guy in the new movie Failure To Launch(I think) with Sarah Jessica Parker and that Wedding Planner guy with J.Lo years back.
Third is Matthew Fox. He's that doctor in Lost.
They're really very manly.
I'm still very far away from them. In height,physique and style.
But I think I win them by weight.
Eh,wait. I forgot. The ultimate is Jude Law.

Shall reserve all my resources for my trip..Shall not buy any stuff in S'pore at the moment..
Saw one superb Atticus shirt on its site. Oh my,that'll be the only thing I will buy at this moment now.

Went through a lot of blogs and I find similar stuff like people drifting apart. Guess that's normal huh.. No one makes an effort anymore.. Guess you just have to keep some and leave some.
The people who appreciate you will generally be the ones that stay.
The rest,don't try too hard. It's hardly any use. They probably thought you're an alien and your name is the name of a provision shop or salon in his/her neighbourhood. Maybe you have a stylish name like Econ or Unisex.

I suddenly find the people I'm in contact with are the ones that had or are still playing football with me. That's great. I can never abandon football. It's like how babe can never abandon shopping. I will abandon football when babe abandons shopping. Now I'm joking. I can never make any promises regarding abandoning football.

Damn! It's Friday already! I don't like Fridays! I only like it when I'm schooling! Other than that,the TV shows on Friday suck big time. Movie tickets are expensive and floods of students will crowd the major shopping areas. Buses get crowded. Trains get crowded. Long queues. Lots of noise. Food centers food anyhow cook cause alot of people. No seats. Must stand.
Put 55cent when taking bus will get questioned by the uncle cause I'm the only "student" who's not wearing uniform on the bus.

How the hell did I come up with all that?
I am really so nonsensical.

Bye!!!

The New Best Blogskin

2006-03-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

I seriously think this blogskin ROCKS. This is the best blogskin EVER.

The Sian

2006-03-14T14:14:00.000+08:00

Goodbye My Lover is a nice song!!! I can't believe I think it's nice!

I'm getting pretty bored at home and I think I don't want that job which starts on Thursday.
It was supposed to be hanging a board around you and walking around,wearing a movie character costume,but now it turns out it is wear polo tee only!
So malu! I cannot!I'm not that brave...

So now I am bored and I don't know what to do. I shall go to the library! Read up all the books on all the courses I'm eligible for...Researcher huh...more like bored-to-death bastard.

I enjoy watching the Oprah Winfrey show...The guests are really truthful with her and the other segments are also quite interesting.

I'm going to take the tix for my trip too! I'm going bangkok! To join in the demonstration! I even made my own boards! Yay!
No lar..go there to play...but I scared people come up and ask me what country I'm from,I think I will say Argentina and I will say my name is Lionel Messi,I play football as an occupation and now I have an injured right foot so I'm not playing for Barcelona and I'm here holidaying.
Then I slowly walk away with a limp.
Yea,and I'm a Wonderkid.

The open house was actually not that enriching to tell the truth. After NTU,the only thing I learnt is that the Macdonald's value meal is $4.40 there... The people at the booths will always say the same "different year,different grading" kinda stuff and I just get fed up hearing that.
Its just so that they weren't prepared for questions like this.
But for top-class students like Damien,Kaisheng and me,it's inevitable.

I still haven't figure out whether I'm more artsy or science geek. I'm still confused about what I'm choosing. But Electrical Engineering is definitely out for me as the points are huge bro!

I have been eating eggs alot these days...Yesterday I think I ate 5 eggs,Eggs are actually one of my favourite foods! It taste great. Imagine you're a chicken,be proud that you are tasty both before and after you're born.

The old Singapore is back. The freaking hot weather. Just like the old days. Last time sec 4 canoe weather everyday like that and I love the tan man.. But it was really super hot and I always jump down the boat one. Then the seat everytime super hot. Walao sit already ass feels very barbequed lar..But it's nice.

I guess go army will also tan until like crazy..I'm trying to get ready for it. I'm sure I will get scolded like fuck. But the pumping part is ok for me. Guess it will be like canoe training.
Oh no,don't tell me there's running up the slope!? NOOOO!!!!
But really,you wanna be a good runner you die die must try run up a mountain slope or a simple slope...sprint up...in time to come,you'll really feel damn good when you run on flat land. Running magazines always say that one.

Ok. Later I'm gonna go eat........Subway! Maybe get an album! No! cannot! I must get Taking Back Sunday's Louder Now! April 25th I think..MakeDamnSure first single...Nice.
Underoath new album June 20th I think.

And Oasis' Let There Be Love is pure lyrical genius at work! I love the song!

Bye! Go out already! Gonna be sick of the "why are you out alone" stare later.

The Arrogance

2006-03-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

First and foremost,PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go to this doughnut shop at the Century Square basement...their tiny doughnuts are very nice...quick go...cause they no customer...later business pock i no doughnut to eat...

These few days has been full of adventures.
I got a phonecall from someone from someplace that made me so happy the whole day.
Then another day I waited 6 hrs for something precious worth 5 mins.
Then I quit my job today. Yes I'm a free man now.
Next tuesday comes my new job,people who know what is my job,don't tell,I'm serious,if you tell you're just being childish.

Working has made me very moody and sleepy. I'm hardly fun and crazy anymore.
And I've learnt things too from my colleagues. My colleagues are very nice people and they take really good care of me and really give alot of space for me man.
I also learnt to be mindful and think more before you make your decisons. Even when it comes to helping people. Don't help blindly. Sometimes it never gets paid back.
Not that I want any payback. I don't. I just don't like helping people then end up having a sour taste in my mouth. Yeap. Lesson learnt.
I guess it's hard to understand how people are looking at you and how lame it is to even try to understand. Sometimes,I really wonder if people see me as a person who's fun? Annoying? or even irritating?
Sometimes I just wanna be someone without a character.Without a personality.Without any big responsibilities.
I'm sick of being so fucking sian.
I'm a very straightforward person. And now I don't care.

I thank you babe,for being by my side,thank you so much,you don't know how much it means for you to be just here.

And I really hate arrogance. Arrogance kills. Arrogance sounds like a flower. A smelly flower.

And everyone was asking everyone what course to take. Even me.
I wanna take accountancy leh. But where can my shitty grades take me.
Ya. Moral of the story: Know your grades,THEN know your courses.
I'm sooooooo gonna choose Chemical Engineering huh...Tart.

I bought Oasis' Don't Believe The Truth. Haven't listen....Listen tomorrow..

I think there are really bands out there with sure-good albums one sia...
For instance,Linkin Park,I don't know,I bought their first two albums(the second one was stolen and I know who the thieves are) and both of them are good. Another one out this year. Already having a feeling it's gonna be good.
RHCP too. I've never heard a bad song from them.
Errr...U2? Though I'm not really a follower..
SLIPKNOT? Damn good!
Kanye West. Really very good. Never bought Late Registration but all the singles came out pretty perfect. Talented guy. But he is arrogant.

Walao! Damn bored! I can't believe this!!!

The Result

2006-03-02T01:32:00.000+08:00

I don't mean to be arrogant.
But you know what?

I am the top student in Meridian.......

....Primary School.

I got BCD lar.
I'm neither happy or sad. It's not a good result to begin with and looking at the amount of people going up to get their triple A's certs,ass kinda feeling itchy.
I can go Meridian Primary School and get my top student award lar. Overgrown Primary Six.

But the consoling fact is that I can go to uni.

Hope everyone who's at the borderline like me would not feel like it's the end of the world. It's definitely not. The only disadvantage is not having your name on the big screen and not shaking Miss Lai's hand.
You can still throw a big party and cry together.
But on a more serious note,really lar,it's not the end,make it or not,there's always a way out for you,anyone reading this,always always be positive,don't hate your life,don't hate yourself. This is just a small obstacle,there's many more to come.

Like what the best coach in this whole world Mr Ng used to say:Blame anything and everything but yourself.

They say Edison tried 1000 times before perfecting the light bulb...so keep perservering.
Like how I tried 1000 times to find a flaw in Gelare's Waffles with ice cream but right now I still can't and I'm still trying. Now that's fighter spirit. Perserverance every Tuesday. (Waffles half-price day)

To all the people who got the results they desire,congrats! Luck or hardwork,you deserve it.
To the people who got worst than what you expect,don't cry. It's okay. (I don't know how to console,I got worst than I expect)
Don't cry..Tomorrow's a new sunrise,new day,still one day older.

Babe got AAB. Good work babe! You totally deserve it.
Ok some assholes will start saying "Ee girlfriend so good u kanasai"
No. The only thing I kana is a hardworking and clever girlfriend. So shut up. Wahahaha. Your girlfriend got so smart or not. Your girlfriend only know how to sa jiao and ask for more ice cream to be fatter got what use.
Keep it up!

You know what is the most stupid things humans do?
Making empty promises.

I told myself I would be a nerd when I come JC.
I got B C D.

Now,I will officially shut up.
And that's not an empty promise.

Now,it's time to return to soccer...finally a load off my chest...Really hope I can get some field action soon.

I am going to work tomorrow. I am 100% sure the people will start giving me advice on what to take and stuff. But I've somehow got a rough idea. So I'm gonna chao-geng and act like a innocent and no planning kid and hear what they have to say to make them feel all adult and feel that they've made a significant impact on a decision of a pre-uni boy.Then I'm gonna give the Puss-In-Boots face. Ego-Nitrous-Booster.
Kidding lar..
I got so kuku meh..

Curly hair and Straight hair(You know who you two are.)
Shh. Don't say anything.

Gonna be so stoned tomorrow...go toilet more tomorrow.

Bye!

The Club

2006-02-26T21:26:00.000+08:00

Wednesday...

I'm now waiting for the Man U Wigan match...Hope Man U win! Man Utd is the best club in the world! Argghh!!

Yesterday was quite an eventful day. I was suppose to wake up at 8am to play soccer with Weihong and all his friends and my class in school. But I woke up at 9 am...
This is the bad habit of mine..
Everitime morning got soccer,for example the match is 9am,I always wake at about 850 like that...Biological clock siao one,then I will rush like a crazy chicken,run around the house and find my stuff and run out of the house.

Soccer was great,I was really corroded. Everything was rusty. And some ideas I intend to do was misplayed. But it was fun and its nice,maybe can call more people next time so can play league or something cause the freaking weather made us all heh heh chuan man.
And the freaking orientation was on. Walao eh,super boliao,cheer so much results get like shit also kena kick out,cheer for what,why not stop cheering,sweep ur ass off the dust and go home and pick up your books and cheer out the contents that are going to be tested instead.
Not as if you cheer very loud the principal won't serve you the canteen's chicken chop when you get grades that seem like shortforms for people who don't dare to scold the word fuck out three times and still try to scold as if it means anything: F F F.
It's really lame when people wanna say fuck but they use F instead to act civilised. As in scolding fuck is uncivilised. It just doesn't sound nice.
Scolding F is so kuku,F can mean anything.
"I just F the tissue paper and I'm giving it back to you,it's clean,I promise" (folded)
So don't scold,don't try to scold shortforms,have a clean mouth,thats the best.

I think that girls who pierce their eyelids are ice cool man,there was this girl at Gelare who pierce her eyelids and it kinda makes her look so different,if my daughter wanna pierce eyelids next time,I think I would allow but I will warn her about the criticisms first,and don't say that I allow,say that I don't allow but she went ahead with it.
Allow to pierce eyelids + $100 = crime-free

Utt is back? He's really so handsome man that guy...He has such sharp features and he kinda looks like Raul.
An ever weirder thing is I think Kobe Bryant looks like Raul.

Oh ya! I went MoS yesterday! Virgin virgin! My first time..really big open act quit.
It was really an eye opening experience.
Went with babe,tricia and shir and her friends.
It's really a fun experience and I won't mind going again. Very difficult to describe the place but Smoove was the best lar. I still hate techno.It sounds like shit,It's not music. I'd rather dance to farting than techno.
And there were some horny boys trying to get close to the girls.
The funny thing is,they're super horny,like they just came out of the jungle and was trying to get an erection or something.
Their face really says horny,full of super red pimples,like they always jerk off onto their own faces and forgot to clean up.
Next time I shall molest them and let them know what it feels like man. I'm gonna go into Jack Twist mode and grab their crotch while licking my lips and direct their hands on my chest and lifting one eyebrow. Bastards.

I guess from tomorrow,I will keep thinking about Wednesday.

OH YES,Watch Munich,it's something different. It's really Oscar-worthy. Conspiracies all around. Although it's M18 cause of the violence,the movie's main point was not violence.
And it's M18 cause there's one scene where the female killer bare her tits to the assasins lar. That's why.

The Leave

2006-02-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

You know what? Sometimes you can just feel that you're going to fall sick a few days before you really fall sick? And as a working person,what do you do when you fall sick?

Take leave. Yes correct. I have this very very very very definite feeling I will fall sick on Thursday. I don't know why. I just will fall sick on Thursday.
Coincidentally,on Wednesday night,2.35am,is Barcelona vs Chelsea,so qiao huh...Oh my I'm gonna be so sick I wonder I can watch or not...hai...

Ya so I will fall sick on Thursday,I really will take leave. And I will go shopping for some medicine to make me feel better. Like Orchard or somewhere...

Watched Jay Leno and I think Michelle Williams is very pretty,but she seems pretty arrogant. But she's sexy and her husband acts as a gay cowboy..how cool is that!

I really think football is my best pal. Because the time when I play football is the moment where I feel I'm myself. Nothing to act. No expectations. I can be playful,cunning,cheeky,creative,full of energy...I just love football. It's not superficial,it's not fake,it's not demanding,it's not materialistic. I would love to live in Brazil and play futsal everyday.

Watched NBA All-Star! And my most curious question has come true!
There's this great NBA star named Andre Iguodala who's super athletic and has monster dunks.He's a great defender and only scores 10 odd points..But he's super fit and dunks alot.
I've always wondered why he never join Slam-dunk competition.
And he joined today! He got second...

I think sportsmen got the best job in the world. They do what they love and they look great. Except golf of course. I wonder what a huge belly does to the range of the shot.

I have to go... Bye Bye

The Valentine

2006-02-14T01:32:00.000+08:00

Hello! Happy Valentine's day everyone! got date or no date...still can celebrate...a day of love...
And spending time with my most beautiful baby!
And work.

Why is valentines day not a public holiday?
But then if it is,it's useless. Cause there will be long queues everywhere.
With the women grumbling and the guy standing there making eye flirting with the ant on the floor hoping to get a new love and dump the stupid noisy crank beside him.
Joking lar....

I bought wholemeal bread for tomoro morning breakfast.
Cause I saw Weiqiang and he said i fatter le.
But he everytime see me say i fatter leh.
I really get fatter everytime i see him? shit man!

I saw Sarahana too...Actually i had this intuition I will see familiar faces and its true...
Sarahana was with her boyfriend =) uh-oh. uh-oh. A teacher. UH-OH.

I think censorship kinda doesen makes sense anymore.
I watched Steve-O scold the work fuck so many times,even if they bleep it,i still know he scolded fuck. So why bleep it?! Kids will still know fuck is scolded lar!
It's like bleeping it for the sake of bleeping it.

In this whole video game galaxy,the one game that got me hooked the most is...
Winning Eleven 4,5,6,7,8,9
I played this freaking game since WE4. I remember Ronaldo used to have blue boots and his acceleration was always 9 and I always use him and Shevchenko both run fast like hell very easy to score goal. There wasn't even Ronaldinho. And Roberto Carlos can play anywhere..
I use Brazil put him and Ronaldo striker..lame huh..but the cruelty of gaming is that..no matter how real it gets,something will still be fake.
Right up to now, My bro,cousins and I are still big WE fans. That game is simply the best.
The only sucky thing is how the bot Japan team is so good and Takahara seems to be 2.50m tall and he can head all the ball. Biased.

I got to know more about the salaries stuff of different occupations since I worked at the credit card company...I think I got a lot more insight on what to take...

I think being a seafood bbq chef,living by the beach and bbq-ing half naked is really damn carefree. I'd love that. I will not shave my beard and I will sit and watch the beautiful sunset everyday! Then I will shout WOOO!
Then I will swim in the clear waters...
I must be dreaming....

Results coming out soon...

And I realise some working women are big snobs. Very big snobs. They are very rude,unwomenly,lots of armpit hair,nerd face,act humble,love to act busy.
Super kns,I don't like calling some working women as a telemarketeer.
Especially those with super fanciful "I'm not chinese! I'm a freaking freaking caucasian!" christian name..
They will sound rough and horny and totally look down on you.
U want super fanciful huh?
I shall introduce myself as Malcolm Guerrero Gonzalez "The Skull Crusher" Adu Mozambique Kolo Yapi Yapo Monteviedo next time. Happy? Fanciful eh? Even comes with a nickname.
And the worst thing is adding an "a" to a male christian name to make it sound like a girl. Ultimate mayhem. Creative?
Ok how does Davida sound?

Lamp is a guys name u know. Maybe u should call yourself Lampa. And if you're the boss,people will call you Dua Lampa. Happy?
Kanin is also a guys name. Add an "a" lor.
Prat is also a guys name. Call yourself Prata lor.
Chinchill is a guys name. Call yourself Chinchilla lor.
Laks is also a guys name. Call yourself Laksa lor. Ya plus a nickname. Laksa "Geh Ham" Lim.
*Geh Ham = Add Cockles. Laksa got put cockles one.
I think one should treat anyone with a smile. Not that I said this because these "chincasian" women cracked my ass open and ate my shit. And my ass is not an egg.

I mean it's no harm treating people nicely right? Why make life such a bitch for others?

I gotta go now man...dead tired...anyone happen to accidentally read this and your name is kinda like tat,don worry,if you're not snobbish,you're not an ass. So you don't stink. Keep ur name and smile. No matter what name you have,it's the heart you have that's important.

Bye Bye!

The Lovely

2006-02-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

I caught glimpses of the Grammys...I fell asleep..But I didn't miss Jay-Z's performance with Linkin Park and Paul McCartney...
Oh my I have to have to have to say it's such a beautiful performance...it kinda shocked me that towards the end of Numb/Encore,Yesterday suddenly played and Paul McCartney came from the back and sang the song with Chester backing up his vocals and Jay-Z doing what all rappers do on stage when they don't sing and just feel awkward standing there on stage..like "yeah,yeah", "that's right"...Walao sing also lar..
But,Jay-Z is still the king man. He has a voice that you would listen to. Too bad he retired already and to tell the truth,nowadays there are so many crap rappers I don't know how they make money talking birdshit. Like Daddy Yankee. I want to yank his head off.
And what amazes me too is that I saw Mike Shinoda playing the piano,if I never see wrongly,talented bastard. Just like Dave Grohl and Travis Barker.

Work today was very tiring..maybe because it was raining outside. I owed this guy 2 bucks cos my pay wasn't cashed in yet.
And I realised I go to toilet more than anyone in the company. There's this guy whose table is near to the toilet and he keeps looking at me,prolly cos I was taking my cup to go fill water to drink then make my way to the toilet to pee.
He must be thinking I should have not drank water so I won't have to pee so he won't have to see me.
But he should not look at me man. I feel so brokeback mountain. Eww. Go away!

My hair is too long already. I want to cut. Cutting hair always remind me of the SUPER PRO 4stripe adidas shoe bedok barber...

And I went to HMV to check out underoath's cd! 37 dollars! Import...but on it the critics says underoath are better than 99% of the bands out there. I somehow couldn't agree more.

Oh yaa.......This is something I have to say. Coffee Talk And Hawker Woks on Tuesday! Anyone caught it? I definitely did! Denise Keller man! She's really beautiful!!!And cool too...
It's like when the Mtv Charts shows on MTV,I only watch the part where she describe the artist and the song and then when the mtv of the artiste starts,I tune to Star World.
And the May and Choy too! Though I donno which is which. but the small face one is prettier.
Okay,what am i talking about. they have the same face. but really,the small face one just looks prettier. the big face one looks shui zhong.

It's really weird watching Friends when my mother is beside me. It's just...weird.. and the best part is that the specific episode has Rachel taking off her bra. Walao eh! I quickly change channels man! Or else can see that she's smuggling raisins!

OH YES...I'm going airport on Saturday...OH YES...can eat Popeye's! Airport consists of alot of memories man...It's a very nice place to hang out.

And I want to play soccer. Weihong you want to play? Damien you want to play? I want to play!!!

And yes,today I put on an act again. The bloody person I called hung up on me,I think he's watching porn and I'm disturbing him and he needs his hands,so he hung up on me.
Then I started talking to the sound of "doo...doo...doo..",like talking to alien like that,to avoid people around me to find out I'm actually got totally rejected.
Somehow I feel I'm really retarded at that point of time.
Some other moments of retardation includes calling an alpha-uncle "madam",then he said in his deep and testosterone-filled voice:huh? then i said sir...
And when the form never state is man or woman and some woman's name sounds really like man..I asked whether Mr XXX is around and a woman said:"Ya,thats me."
Wah. freaking paiseh.

I'm actually really thinking about MJC's chicken rice with their big bowl of soup which the guys in our class use to call "mega-soup". Even the chicken rice auntie also call it mega-soup when she sees us. Ahh,those times.

And,the freaking "delicious" black armpit sauce of the western food with its tyrannosaurus sized chicken chop. Super big man. Like Chicken Mcnugget like that.
It's not black pepper sauce.
I don't know what happen to the uncle man. The JC2 chicken chop was really really bad.
The fries are WHITE. get me. WHITE. means frozen he go bake then never bake long enough.
Walao $2.60 pay to eat this kinda stuff..You pay me lar. I eat.

And of course the famed rumour that the prawn noodle has armpit hair in it.
And the auntie always wearing sleeveless.
And she was so sweaty.
Hmm. Tasty. Add a lil bit of saltiness to the soup...Wow..

I think waiting for army is starting to become boring.

Got to go,Bye bye

The Misery

2006-02-08T23:17:00.000+08:00

It really sucks when you want things to go your way,it just won't. Even when u're confident about it.

It's fed-up. It feels just like when u eat a chicken wing(the one shaped like the gun),u cant get the small meat out of the "handle" of the chicken wing.

I don't like it.

I won't talk about it anymore.

Sometimes you just feel like shouting out ur misery....yet you know you can't. It keeps rising inside and the most you can give is a huge sigh. Very huge one...

Nothing's going well for me this week. It's been a fucked up week. I guess not seeing babe for quite a while doesn't help matters too.

I'm rarely bothered but this is one of those rare moments.
Some hotdog fucker just called me to fuck off when I called him. Hello dude,if I'm not paid,I won't even talk to you. Get me? If your fuck off is worth 5 bucks,you can scold me. But its not. Your fuck off is worthless. So are you. If you never sign up. So shut up. Don't let your middle age childishness get in the way of my business. You bitch. To think you eat rice till so old still tell a kid like me to fuck off? Why not you fuck off? You think I want to talk to you? You think can sign up credit card very big shot? FUCK OFF. If I know your phone-sex handphone number I will call you and scold till the very last few strands of your hair fall off.
Two middle fingers for you. Each for your nose.
Red card for you. Out. Cos you look like you want to fuck off. So fuck off you go. Fuck off to somewhere where "hello" and "goodbye" are replaced by "fuck off".

Person1:Fuck Off! How are u!
Person2:Hey fuck off! I'm fine...been busy with work...
Person1:Wah! mot*r*la's slogan is fuckoffmoto! cool right!
Person2:yea! hey i gtg now..take care! fuckoff...
Person1:ok...fuck off man...

The Shopping

2006-02-04T00:44:00.000+08:00

I watched National Geographic's Megastructures and they were featuring Dubai Palm Islands.

This is really my dream. To go to Dubai for holiday. It's really amazing. The most amazing tourist attraction I've ever seen. It's total fantasy. I really wanna go there someday.

I did something I've never done ever in my life. The sense of satisfaction hits me directly. I'm so happy.